Good day.

I’ve had bloody enough.

Yes ladies, gents and school appointees, I have simply had enough, I am through and I am having done with it all. You lot are probably hoping that I am talking about my life. Sorry to disappoint you. I am talking about my blog. No, don’t start celebrating just yet; I’m not shutting it down. I am however, going back to basics. You see, I’ve been thinking. Don’t post comments about the humor in the previous statement because I’ll delete them anyway. Like I was saying, I’ve been thinking, and have come to the conclusion that I have, or at least am about to backseat the whole point of this Journal. The thing was started so I could write whatever I liked without giving half a hoot about what others thought. Obviously, I have digressed. I admit it, until recently, I gave too much of bat's buttock about what you insignificant lesers mortals thought. I have now decided that all ‘frills’ that I have added to this Journal (saving only the colour scheme and comments, but including daily questions, Webstat and Firefox icons and my counter) are all going out the window.

Henceforth, I do not give a f***.
God that feels good.

Also, today was Ram Naumi which basically means that my sister gets loads of dough, and I get a treat, courtesy her. God bless her kind, gentle soul. Those who have called me on the telly at home will know that I say that only because she reads this Journal.

Revision of Nomenclature.

This is the first nomenclature revision in the great and glorious history of Da Klan. I hereby decree, by the power vested in me by the rank and office of the Azgez of the Bloodfists that hereinafter, the creature that was up until this moment referred to as Da Geek, shall be called, Mista Puhrezident, on account of him jointly ascending the throne of the Exun clan (one of the lesser clans) along with Sir Altitude. Since His Airiness already holds knighthood, he will not be renamed. Also, Da Pro Gramma shall be called H.Ed. Pro Gramma. As Da Deep One has, by self-proclamation, acceded the throne of Blah, he shall be called His Majesty, The Badshah of Blah.
More tomorrow.
Like everyone says now,
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.

Shocks …

The above title probably leads you to believe that the day was full of shocks. Good, that’s its object. These shocks were however, not only mental, they were quit physical. I’ve been hit four times today with bolt of pure static electricity, and it is no fun. I get up, pick up the quilt, and wham; I’m zapped. I get out of the car; I’m fried. It’s amazing. More like crazy.

Second shock of the day: FIITJEE mathematics paper was disastrous. Disastrously simple, that is. Writing anything after this like saying “Albert Einstein, a noted scientist”.

Also the ICT is doing well in Multan. The Master (Sachin) has decided not to touch a ball unless it physically digresses from its trajectory and dives onto his bat. The Butcher (Sehwag) on the other hand, has decided not to leave a ball be unless it physically digresses from its trajectory and dives away from his bat. We are in pretty good shape but, which is good.
I will be writing about antonyms in the near future, the first entry shall be entitled ‘Women and Logic’.

Also, I notice that of all those self proclaimed brilliant people who have been commenting about how easy yesterday’s second question was and such like have been unsuccessful is completing a nursery rhyme. Go burn yourselves.
Previous answers –
1) “Up Jack got and home did trot as fast as he could caper,
To old dame Dob who patched his knob with vinegar and brown paper”.
2) Catcher in the Rye
Today’s question- Lord of the Rings; Name the only beacon of Gondor visible in Rohan.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
Two questions, because I could not put one up yesterday.
Q1. Complete the nursery rhyme: "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, ..... , Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after".
Q2. Which of JD Salinger's books is narrated by a kid by the name of 'Holden'?
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.

And So It Begins, The Beginning Of The END

It’s true Ladies and Gents; today was the first day of my last school year. All new teachers, so that’s something to write about. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Mr. Prem Dhawan: - After a year of enduring Da Banshee this guy is a godsend. He’s reasonably funny, and makes chemistry fun, which Da Banshee is just plain incapable of. He’s also our class teacher. Good.
2. Mr. Kathooria: - Haven’t the foggiest clue about the spelling of his name. He’s your standard issue board class mathematics teacher. Boring, grumpy looking, and in love with mathematics. His moustache doubles as a protective guard to his mouth against flies and such like.
3. Mr. Mukesh: - I’m told he’s a really good computer science teacher, and he probably is. Has sideburns the size of Louisiana.
4. Mrs. Renu Nagarkar:- She’s the H.O.D. for English. I’ve heard that she is pathetically strict. Tell you what; she looks it. Not that it matters, but methinks that her hairdo went out with the Byzantine Empire.
5. Mrs. Shobha Mehta: - Very jovial person. Missed her class because of the Editorial Board interview, can’t really comment.
Big C (M.B.I.H.P.S.) is just too old to exist. Apart from being really really stupid, she is plain evil. She is so friggin’ evil that when she passes by a toilet, the toilet flushes itself. The stuff between her ears started rotting sometime after the birth of The Prophet Mohammed (M.P.B.U.H.) who I suspect was ten years her junior (in age). I’ll stop writing about her now, lest the mention of her evil existence, pollute this journal.
Da Tall Dark And Decomposing One made head boy, which is good. The official oath of office will be taken tomorrow. I’ve applied for the Ed. Board; we’ll see what transpires.
Today’s Question: What ancient Greek island-town was Hippocrates from?

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

They Never Saw Him Coming

The stage was set. A large total, being chased by the best of the best. In walk the Master and the Butcher. The Master falls, enter the Long Named One. The Long Named One falls, enter the Prince. The prince wallops the Pakistanis to all corners of the park. This, in a round park. In any case, the Butcher is soon lost and The Wall makes his entry. The Prince tries to continue wallop, but falls bravely in the attempt. Enter UV. He tries, and fails. All that lies between the Pakistanis and victory now is a thin, lanky bus driver’s son, from a remote part of Mumbai. No one called it, and anyone with any brains said that it was over. Unfortunately for the Pakistanis, the proverbial fat lady had not sung, and the man in question, Mohammed Kaif, basically pulls a rabbit, no, forget rabbit, more like a herd of buffalo out of the proverbial hat, and stands alongside The Wall, till the end. Victory in Lahore.

Good day.
The captain of the Indian cricket team, Mr. Ganguly, has recently been contacted by the Dungbrain Institute For Really Loony Doctorates with regard to the doctorate that he has been pursuing. It is speculated that the communiqué contains within it the date on which Mr. Ganguly shall be receiving his PhD in loosing tosses. I think it would be fair to say that he is the highest authority when it comes to such matters and the degree was long overdue.
Furthermore, the Indian bowlers have taken an oath to fix all the problems and grievances that divide India and Pakistan. Either that, or they are gay, and the Pakistani batters are their partners.
Don’t even get me started on the batting.
On another front, I am mortified to know that only one of you knew the answer to yesterday’s question, especially since some of you are amateur quizzers and quiz for the school every so often. Well, I guess it is unfair on my part to expect you lot to have a brain level comparable to that of the Azgez of the Bloodfists.
In any case the answer was “The Incom T-65C A2 X-Wing Starfighter”, and definitely not a Fokker biplane, with reference to His Airiness’ answer.
Today’s Question (please, try to answer, guess if you don’t know, at least I will know people out their have eyes, if not brains): According to that old rhyme in ‘Treasure Island’, how many men were there on the dead man’s chest?
This is very, very easy, I expect at least ten correct answers.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
I have decided that, starting today, I shall be posting a random question on this journal. I do this so even if I can't write an entry, at least you lot have sommat to come back to. Any answer may be entered in the coments.So let's see what sort of brains you guys have. Even Intercrap Club members may try this, I could use a laugh.
Today's Question: In what aircraft did Luke Skywalker destroy the Death Star? Gimme the full name and model.

Good day.

On Life and the Gentlemen's Game

I have decided to write this on order to avoid sending this journal into the void that is disuse. Life is being a f***ed up bitch. I just finished with my XI annuals, and those morons at FIITJEE schedule reshuffling tests, so I have no time for anything. To make matters worse, the Indian batters can’t seem to tell the difference between a cricket ball and a piece of empty space, since that’s where they swing (the bat) every time the Pakistanis ball to them. Tomorrow is the Lahore match, if we loose, we are out of the series. So we will win. Or die trying.

If, for any reason, the Indians don’t die trying, it is my belief that the crowd will murder them, since half of the expected crowd is Indian, and half of Amritsar is expected to show up.

This is my last (academic) year in school, thinking about which sort of freaks me, but not too much.
School starts Monday, and I hope they change our teachers, if we get Da Banshee® again, I will either kill her, or me or both. Most likely her.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
Much has happened since I last took keyboard under palm. Here’s a brief review:
1. Physics Paper : - People claim it was a disastrously hard, evil, and generally not likeable piece of printed papyrus. I see their point. Not that it made any difference to the Azgez of the Bloodfists, whose paper still went reasonably good, but it is always nice to mention the unimportant.
2. English Paper: - I have no clue how this went, and it really does not matter, because I’ll get standard marks anyway, not unlike the rest of eleventh.
3. More Importantly, : - There was an India v/s Pakistan match on Saturday. It proved two of the Bloodfist Klan’s most ancient theorems. The first one being, India can’t bowl. You can argue all you like but the truth still stands, we can’t friggin’ chuck the bloody thing if our nuts depended on it. Saving only the last over and some of Sehwag’s overs, we basically threw the damn thing everywhere except at the stumps. Consequently, the Pakistani batters hit the thing everywhere except in a fielder’s hand. Had it not been for the Pakistani’s unshakable resolve to loose the game, methinks we would not have won. The Pakistanis however were not far behind us in the couldn’t-bowl-for-shit race, and gave away more extras than Sachin’s personal score, and when the extras outscore Sachin, the bowlers should just quit, they’ll serve the team better that way. The second theorem proved (in the course of the match) states, “ The Indian cricket team, irrespective of the opposition, pitch conditions, and sweetener content in chewing gum, is perfectly capable of making a match out of any game”. The point, they’ll be perfectly set for victory, they’ll win, but they’ll make the victory so nailbitingly close, that the entire crowd will go home thinking ‘what a game’. Unfortunately, this works for losses too, and more often. But, taking nothing away from the MIB, they played a splendid game of cricket and beat the Pakistanis to boot. Hallelujah.
4. Mathematics Paper: - Reasonably decent, 90+ expected. Never go by my expectations.


All in all, it has been great few days and I have computers coming up, so I’m relaxing a bit, which is a good thing.
So, in the words of two of the greatest thinkers of our time, Droopy Dog and Aadisht Khanna, I’m happy.



AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

P.S. - To His Grace, Sir Altitude, point conceded.

Good day.

DISASTER

Ladies, gentlemen and intercrap club members, it’s official. The Indian Cricket team could not play cricket if their balls depended on it. They have a near- perfect game. Only, they can’t bowl. The morons could not defend a total of three sixty plus. I mean, my sister can defend that. To top it al off, the opposition was an A team. My God.
By the way, it’s physics tomorrow. I’m less perturbed about this then chemistry, but …
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

< archive push >

< archive push >

Good day.

EXAMS, DAY ONE.

It was actually a lot better than expected. Believe me, chemistry can be a lot worse. Expecting over 63 (on 70), which is always a good thing. Physics is up next, which means more derivations and less mugging. Go Life.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.

And So It Begins …

It is finally time; the annuals officially begin tomorrow. The first paper is chemistry, which would explain the severe lack of dipsites on the net. I just finished the course and will attempt some Ionic questions soon. My nerves are vibrating like guitar strings in a Bryan Adams concert. Hope I do well.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!

The Unnumbered Smears

Good day.
It was holi yesterday. The one time of the year everyone in the family celebrates, and generally does what they like. The main purpose of today’s entry therefore, is to describe how my family celebrates holi. I know you don’t give a shit. But you forget that I don’t give a shit about you, so I’ll write anyway.
The whole atmosphere begins to take hold when one of two things happens. The first is the arrival of Khoya from Lucknow i.e. my grandmother’s place. The other is my nanaji’s phone call informing my mum that the bhaang has arrived (from his village), and she should too. This happens on the day before ‘badi’ holi. About this time my mum leaves for New Rohtak Road (nanaji’s place). I could not go, and that is a tragedy. All my three mamas live there, along with ten of my cousins. The holi there is WILD. None of the servants (driver included) go hoe for the night. All night they, along with my uncles, sit and grind the Bhaang. Around one, my nanaji inspects the bhaang and if he likes it, it gets put in the thandai, which cools overnight in three drums. The ground floor is used only for preparation of the Tesu colour. Three drums in all. This gets poured into a bathtub older than the Great Wall. The night is spent singing PHAAGs (holi songs) on the roof (you know, rang barse and all).
The day arrives, and we (those of my family that are still home) get up early, and the first to get up smears the family with gulal. This person is normally either my dad or my grandmother. Having done this we prepare a store of water balloons, stick them in bucket(s), and wait. When the formalities of meeting the neighbors are done with, we stick the bucket(s) in the car, fill up everything that can hold water with colour, and head to nanaji’s place. When we turn into the street, dad parks the car and we pull out the bucket(s) and start loosing balloons like we were the First friggin’ Punjab Artillery. This does not help ery much, since they always have somebody on the roof who spots us. He/She sounds the alarm , and a sortie issues forth from the three-storied house, each man/woman armed with a half bucket of water. Chucking balloons at people loosing seven or eight liters of water at you every ten seconds at you is not a very effective way to conduct and assault. In any case we enter the house, and are treated to some brilliant mithai. The adults get to have Thandai.
By about this time, two or three other relatives arrive, and a toli, fifteen or so strong, is organized. The weapons of choice: pichkaris, balloons, eggs, grease, and generally anything that can leave a mark on human skin. We then go forth to battle, against the evil kids of block 45. If we spot their toli before they spot ours, we hide behind a building, pichkaris in front, ballooners behind (to put it like that orc chieftain in LoTR III), covering the bucket. They come in range, and the ballooners open fire. If they flee, the pichkaris give chase. If they keep coming, the pichkaris fire anyway. If they still come, the get the bucket treatment. No one runs through ten liters of water. Period. If ambushed, we just try to wet anything moving on two legs. This time we ambushed.
This lasts till about one in the afternoon, and then we call it quits. We get home threeish, and that as they say, is that. Da Geek has this nice entry about this year’s teachers; go read it, if you haven’t already. Plan to write a track back to it if I have the time.

Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

P.S. - I forgot about the paans which are also available in plenty. Had one of them myself yasterday. Brilliant things, paans.

Good day.
Pay Puh Mode is still in full swing, and is showing wondrous results. I am done with Physics and Math, and am now in the middle of Equilibrium II. Not to mention my preparation for the FIITJEE reshuffling test. But I am not complaining. Life is still good. It’s holi today (yes technically, today is holi, tomorrow being 'dulehndi', according to one (I forget which) of the six hundred billion scriptures that constitute Hindu holy literature), and in my house that can mean only one thing, GUJHIA. My grandmother is the best gujhia maker in the universe. Period. And every holi, after the khoya arrives from Lucknow , her home, she sits down with my mum and my aunt and they make the stuff. The package came last night. I was literally jumping up and down out of pure, unadulterated joy. Just goes to show, the DDA can build stable buildings. Sixty of the worlds fiest lie in the kitchen now, not for long though. I wish nanaji would send the Bhaang soon, or else the burfi will have to bemade without it. That’s no fun.
Also, the F1 season kicked off today with the Aussie GP. The new Williams car (with the new nosecone) reminds me of a pig. It also runs like one. A pig, that is, with its bloody tail on fire!! The damn thing outstripped the Ferrari in the flying lap qualifying. This is gonna be a fun season, methinks, and if Ralph and Juan Pablo can stay on track, Ferrari has got a problem. Fortunately, they also have Ralph's big brother.
For all intercrap club members, please stop trying to adjust the brightness on you screens. I have changed the colours in the background, and that’s why the blog looks black. There is nothing wrong with your screen’s display.
Furthermore, if you have any opinion about the new colour scheme, please keep it to yourself. I don’t want to know.
Am having great fun chucking buckets of water at unsuspecting passers by. By some strange quirk of fate, these unsuspecting passers by always turn out to be friends of my sister, or she herself.

Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
This is not a proper entry and is only designed to be an answer to certain statements on certain blogs made by certain very stupid people. First of all, in reference to Da Geek. Monsieur half head, last time I checked, prudence was a good thing. Also, methinks you are somewhat confused over the actual meaning of the term, not unlike ‘fagging’ and me. Da Lunatic. You Sir are obviously no physics student. Had you been one, you would know that in referring to brain size, I obviously meant ‘relative’ brain size. Common sense, which seems to be the least of your virtues, dictates that I referred to brain to body ratio, not absolute size, which by the way is closer to four and a half kilos, according to the British Museum as of January 2003.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
I did not go to school today, but reports reaching me suggest there was much cause for mirth in the computer period. Da Lunatic and Da Mouse Killer were apparently involved in some sort of a battle of words. What I wouldn’t give for a chance to have been there. Da Mouse Killer, sources claim, called Da Lunatic fat. Now, I have nothing against calling Da Lunatic names. Indeed, I support the idea. But when one’s circumference is grater than one’s center of mass’ y- displacement, one should not talk. So I’ll shut up. Ok, that did not help, I can still type. Anyway, Da Lunatic then proceeded to call her a Brontosaurus, which one also finds funny, when one considers the fact that both Da Lunatic and most Brontosauruses have comparable brain sizes. Furthermore, Da Geek reports that Priamvada danced, and Da Mouse Killer ran today, IN THE SAME BUILDING. For crying out loud, whatever happened to common sense?? I mean, one can only trust the tensile strength of concrete so far…
On the Pay Puh Mode front, I have had two really productive days, indeed I am proud to report, Ladies And Gentlemen of Da Klan, that TANGO is DOWN. To all non-members of Da Klan, that means that I have finally completed all my math chapters. Math is done!!!!
Man that felt good.
Now, to a more serious matter. I have been attempting to avoid mentioning this topic for a fair bit now, out of fear that I (would) be accused of attempting to publicize this journal, but I see now that that can no longer be done. The topic is that of self-gratification, referred to by the vulgar as ‘masturbation’. This is something I am utterly against. Some of you will probably think ‘Prude’ and decide to close your browser window. By all means, Piss Off, I really don’t give the fleetingest bit of a f***. Now, consider this, if you are male and screw males, society shuns you, and you are deemed “weird”. However, if you are male, and screw yourself (a male) it is supposed to be okay. What crap! Please nobody give me that time honored cockroach excreta about how screwing yourself and shagging are two different things, they’re not. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say don’t. All I say is don’t go parading it about. I did not tell you that I don’t, so why the f*** are you telling me that you do? Point being, the actual act of parading the fact about is a lot more offending than the act itself, which I really do not care about. You can go shag all you like, just don’t come back and write about your accomplishments. Ditto for gays, lesbians, necros or whoever.
Please note, I never said that I dislike any of the above for who they were, hell I’m all for it, so long as they keep it in their house and out of mine. I have a right to choice just as much as they do.
No, I did not lift that out of a redneck publication.
Remember …
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!


P.S. – I earnestly apologize for any and all hurt feelings. Also, no matter how angry that (entry) may have made you, please, don’t take it out on my comments column, grab something and break it instead.

Good day.
We come to it at last …
These were the words spoken by Mithrandir in the third LoTR movie as he stood on Minas Tirith, and all the hosts of Mordor were in front of him. I speak now these very same words, only I, like eleven hundred other Dipsites, face a much greater peril, eleventh class annual examinations. Yes people, it’s that time of the year again, when winter gives way to spring, February to march, and schooldays, to … EXAM days.
The older members of Da Klan know that this can only mean one thing … Pay Puh Mode. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the Azgez of the Bloodfists has officially put himself in Pay Puh Mode. This will be something foreign to all those who are not Klansmen, and so I will explain. Pay Puh Mode is a state of existence few save the Azgez of the Bloodfists are capable of. It involves increase in amount of study time by about one hundred and fifty percent, total avoidance of solid food at meal times, increase in total food intake by fifty percent (yes, there will be a shortage of food very soon so I suggest you start hoarding), and most importantly, increasing daily intake of caffeine to levels that are required in tranquilizer darts used to knock out bull elephants. Seven to eight cups daily usually suffice.
For all those who got squat in the first paragraph, the reference is to the Lord of the Rings movie series. You can now go away. You do not deserve to read this, try Da Lunatic’s blog or some such lowly publication.
To a certain somebody called Damini (she’s (one of) the VP(s) of the intercrap club, so…), thank you very much for telling the Queen Bee about yesterday’s entry. The trumpets located two inches below her nose now sound, as if they were sounding a charge on the Pelennor, every time she passes me by. May barbarians invade your personal space.
The Return of the King won all the academy awards it was nominated for, eleven in total. Go Tolkien (and Peter Jackson). Glory to the Academy.
Will not go to school till the papers are done with, but will keep writing. Plan to do three math chapters today, not a very happy thought, I assure you.

Ciao.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

P.S. – It has come to my knowledge that Da Lunatic has declared war on me. He’s like a bad rash, ignore it long enough, it’ll go away, so…