Good day.
Finally, I get time to write a Journal entry again. We have practical exams going on nowadays. They aren’t so bad. Too much hype if you ask me. But whatever you do, don’t ask Da Geek. We had Physics practical exams today. That should be enough to all those who know Da Geek. Poor fellow. I don’t think I helped his state of mind very much (Go Me), but hey, what are friends for? The Great and Exalted Leader of Da Klan has a computer practical tomorrow. Da Mouse Killer may take my viva. No, none of you may write letters to her giving her death threats if she fails me.
Of Bees

In my numerous travels, and in my memory, which is the Supreme Source of Wisdom in Da Klan, there is no creature more obnoxious (save only Da Lunatic, who holds within himself all the secrets of True Lunacy, of which obnoxiousness is only a part) than the one who they, and consequently I, call The Queen Bee (Manisha Roy Choudhry). No, she does not have a pointy rear. She does, however, carry her bee’s nest along with her on the back of her head. She claims that it is hair, but the Azgez of the Bloodfists is not so easily fooled. I spent nearly two periods explaining to that supremely moronical half head, the story of The Lord of the Rings. To all those who know (of) her, do not pity me. Rather, be glad that I was present there. Who knows what such an ordeal would have done to one of ye lesser folk. Some of her comments were so bloody brilliant, that I have to list them.
1. The dwarves are those tall white ones (Note: - Dwarves, Tall) right?
2. Eowen was the one who put out that dragon on which the fellow (the Witch King of Angmar) was sitting right?
That Yank president was right, there’s a moron born every minute (I know that’s it’s sucker, you haven’t caught me making a mistake, which is theoretically impossible).

But, enough about bees. The Physics teacher ripped apart my practical file today. It is a good thing that they don’t keep axes in physics labs. All of you all can add to my comments section the way in which you would like me to murder her. Please note that, for obvious reasons, the olive press is not very potent in this case (only close friends will get that).

Da Reaper and I played basketball yesterday. Yes, I PLAYED. To some it would be a huge surprise that I am capable of this, and would argue that this is against the laws of physics, but they are lesser folk who know not the True Greatness of the leader of Da Klan. I actually scored more than one basket, and therefore I declare yesterday a holiday.

Awlrighty then,
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
It was … a Glorious Slaughter. These are the first words that come to mind when one sees the Phase Test paper the FIITJEE math department set for us. The class topper is hoping for 40%. That was not a joke. Now, there is a woman in FIITJEE’s employ, who, it would appear, has the sole job of conducting exams. Nothing else. She does not teach, manage or anything. She just conducts exams. When you first meet this blot on the face of humanity, two words pop into your head, ‘old hag’. Then you talk to her. This is the part where a guilty feeling overtakes you. You realize that you have been unfair to the woman. It’s ugly old hag. Hereinafter she shall be referred to as UOH.
I am severely bugged. Note how that’s very BAD. I give that disastrous math paper, walk out, and realize that my parents have had the brilliant idea of going to Sahara Mall, Gurgaon. Normally, you’d think this was a good thing. But you see, you do not know that my evil sister was going too. She thought, and my parents agreed, that she needed new clothes in lieu of the upcoming summer. What upcoming summer?? It’s the middle of February for crying out loud. Yes, I know it is closer to the end of Feb., it’s an expression. Get over it. My sis needs cloths like I need to gain weight. She owns half of Burkina Faso’s annual produce of clothing. Finally got the computer project up and running, no thanks to Da Geek, whose contribution to the project was lower than Osama’s contributions to US Aid. She spent two hours in picking clothes, and only stopped because I put my foot down. And when I put my foot down, my foot is not the only thing that goes down. I started giving not-so-subtle hints such as walking up to her (more like them) and whispering Hunger Pain, over obviously showing impatience, and stuff like that there.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

PS – I could not write because of the FIITJEE paper, and will be more regular now. This entry is small because it’s eleven in the night. Contrary to popular belief, I have not run out of gas, which, if you talk to Da Lunatic, is quite impossible.

Good day.
The day before yesterday was our annual class picnic. For the stupid, that was the fourteenth day of February 2004. For the incredibly stupid (and members of the intercrap club), that means it was St. Valentine’s Day. Now, if you are dipsites I need not say more. For non-dipsites, here’s the deal: holding a class picnic on St. Valentine’s Day (in DPS) is just about as smart as putting Tri Nitro Toluene in an active centrifuge. Note how that’s bad.
We went to Nehru Park. It’s one of the few places in the city where the admission is free and the ground is not covered in knee-deep cow dung. Unfortunately, playing cricket, football and hockey are strictly forbidden. We, therefore, played ‘rugby’. Nobody (save yours truly) know squat about the game, so we played Aussie Rules. For the uninitiated, this is a game similar to rugby, except for the fact that anything short of murder and assault with baseball bats is perfectly legal. The utter stupidity of my classmates was shown when they made me part of a team (as opposed to me being the team). As if that wasn’t enough, some morons actually joined the opposition. How thick can you get?? I talked to one of the professors at the Indian Anthropological Institute. In his expert opinion, that last act puts their cerebrum size just a little less than that of a snail. Obviously, when The Supreme Commander of the Klan charged for a try (that’s what they call a ‘touchdown’ in rugby, for those who do not know), every one got out of the way. Those that didn’t … well let’s just say they changed their minds as a dragster on pure octane. We had to share the bus with a bunch raving madmen (and women) referred to hereinafter as the Da Screamers (XI-S). The females of that class seemed to be laboring under the delusion that rules of courting in howler monkeys were worked for humans as well. That is the only way I can explain their extreme overuse of the C flat minor during the bus ride. I tell you, some of the frequencies hit by that lot would have been enough to scramble the sonar on an Akula Class submarine. We fixed up a match with Da Screamers, but I had to leave before it got underway, so obviously the morons in my class lost.

Later that day we went to The Great Kabab Factory, which, basically, in heaven for any one who likes his food in quantity and with reasonable quality (not that the food there is reasonable, it’s quite excellent). The server was a bit of an idiot though. The moron had the utter audacity to tell moi that I should not eat too much kabab or I won’t have enough space for the main course. The cheek!! He asked for it, so I gave it to him. The following is what I ate (Urdu names not mentioned due to lack of knowledge).
1. Minced lamb kabab, one.
2. Boneless chicken kababs, two.
3. Chicken legs, two.
4. Burrah kababs, four.
5. Fish kababs, two.
6. Pudina Parathas, four.
7. ‘Dal Factory’, ‘Dal Tadka’, Palak Paneer, one serving a piece.
8. Ulte Tawe ka Paratha, one.
9. Coffee ice cream.
10. Phirni.
It’s an all you can eat restaurant. Yes, I did outdo myself. All non-believers can talk to Da Deep One about one of Da Lunatic’s birthdays. If that does not convince you, contact Mr. and Mrs. Sharma, my parents.

Close serried companies of advancing columns loosed by Da Lunatic punctured Da Geek’s rearguard today. In the very likely event that you understood nothing of what I just wrote, I will explain. Da Lunatic got the very amusing idea of putting a nail up Da Geek’s arse. He is known for acting on his whims. Not very dignified, but very amusing.
Da geek had a close encounter of the MSN kind with my sister. There are only two creatures more irritating than her. Both live in the depths of Mariana’s Trench and are yet to be discovered by humans.
There cannot be a dipsite who does not know what a Monday Test is. No dipsite is a true dipsite unless he has run out of Monday Test sheets and found out about this on a Sunday. For all souls in such a plight, Da Geek has put up a MT sheet template download on his blog. That link is also provided on the side bar of this Journal.

Auf Wiedersehen and…
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
Of Birds, Bees and Da Geek
I have a funny feeling that Da Geek is not going to enjoy this entry very much. My heart bleeds for him. It bleeds, you see, not only because he is robbed of the singular pleasure of being able to enjoy this entry, but also because he has lost his chance of going to the picnic with his (to put it crudely) crush. Yes, ladies, gentlemen and members of the intercrap club, ‘tis true, that little archer in the diapers has finally got to Da Geek. Unbelievable though it sounds, I have it from a very reliable source (namely his geekiness himself) that he has been nurturing this heartache for an arguable bit. He would like everyone to believe that he wants to go with Sir Altitude. Yeah, right. And I’m obsessed with loosing weight. Incidentally, she is the fameous flower girl(Jan 19^th entry, para four). If you find nothing about flowers (or her) there, he probably erased it. Keeping in mind the number of people that read this Journal, I will not give out her name. The extent of the crush is obvious when you take into account the clear state of depression Da Geek has been in ever since he found out that our sections are not going together. This is precisely the reason why I prefer food to girls - when something goes wrong; food only hurts in the stomach. It is hereby ordered that all Klansmen who read this must drop snide and cheeky comments whenever they meet Da Geek, mentioning this entry would also not be a bad idea.

On sifting through the annals of this great journal, you find mention of only one of the lesser clans, namely Exun. This is a group of people, skilled in their own fashion, but lacking the honor and fervor that characterizes the higher Klans, of which The Great and Glorious Bloodfist Klan is the greatest. This lack of honor is most brought out by the fact members actually leave the clan at will. Needless to say, this would be nothing short of sacrilege in the upper clans. Today, for example, even their commander left the clan. Far for rebuking it, they celebrated the event. DISGUSTING. But I must not get carried away; after all, one can’t expect the same fervor from lesser mortals as one does from Klansmen.

Commenting has been enabled on this blog. This is not, however, an open invitation to correct any piece of grammar you think is incorrect. This I say for two reasons: -
1. You are not worthy to correct the grammar of The Supreme and Exalted Leader of Da Klan.
2. In any case, all grammar in this Journal is flawless (except where it isn’t).

See you around.
Ciao. (Da Deep One gave me this spelling, pronunciation: - Ch-a-o)
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
It was promised, therefore it shall be. The Supreme and Exalted Leader of Da Klan has returned.
I could not write yesterday because I was watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the king. Excellent, as far as movies go, which, if you ask me, is not very far. If you don’t know what Lord of the Rings is, please go away, you do not deserve to read this or, for that matter, exist. The have made a few errors worthy of the intercrap club and a few pointless changes. The changes include the useless presence of the ghost armies on the Pelennor, the presenting of The Flame of The West after Helm’s Deep, the omission of the star of Elindil from Aragorn’s brow as he exited the corsair ships, among others. Minor changes, but changes nonetheless. Now the stupidest of all the errors is also the subtlest. None but the Great Leader and Supreme Commander of Da Klan could have spotted it at first glance. It was the incredible stupidity shown by Theoden when he was about to charge the orcs on the Pelennor. I mean, anyone who has ever, and I mean ever commanded a cavalry force knows that you don’t stand and talk within sight of the enemy, so they can arrange themselves into the classic phalanx (spikes in front, archers behind) and decimate your charge. You charge the nanosecond you see the enemy’s flank. Duh. Don’t get me wrong; the movie is definitely worth a watch. Some scenes, like the Charge of the Rohirrim, The Lighting of the Beacons of Gondor, The face off between Aragorn and the Ghost King and The Last Battle are really well done. All in all it’s money well spent. Should get at least half a dozen Oscars.

In the earlier entries of this journal, a creature referred to as Snorous bigspecsus(Dec. 19th, 2003 entry)
. This creature paid me another visit today, and, in the twelve minutes that he was here, managed to belittle all recorded feats of stupidity. Including those of the Intercrap club. He is standing two feet from something that could be nothing but a telephone, but still asks where the telly is. I was sorely tempted to ask him if the thing he was resting his hand on looked like a space shuttle to him. But I did get the damn telly fixed, so that’s something.
I did not go to school today, so naturally Da Geek is having a fit. When people are denied the chance to meet my august self, they usually react like that. sorry for the short entry, but there is nothing else to write.
Au revior then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
I must apologize for my absence from the blogging circles these last few days. It must be understood that I did this not out of choice, but because of an evil, evil piece of paper called a Main Open Test. These things are custom made, by expert designers to do one and only one thing. My advanced psyche tells me that right about now you would be wondering what that one thing is. This one thing is basically to totally befuddle, utterly confound and, in most cases completely demoralize the human brain. Funnily enough, the brain in question almost always belongs to the examinee.

Now, first things first, Jojo, my math teacher acted like a sexist pig yesterday, thus I dub her Da FCP (female chauvinistic pig). Now, the class was making noise and I concede that point with no argument. The point is that she decides to punish only the boys for it. Can you believe that?? I mean ever heard the term constitution?? Whatever happened to right to equality and all that?? She calls up the girls to her desk, whispers dark mathematical secrets to them, and acts like there are no boys in class. Personally, I’m fine with it. Math makes more sense if she does not teach anyway. This is old news by the way, happened last Thursday or something.

Da Geek is a heartless piece of shit. He has the warmth of a block of ice, the feelings of a dead fish, and the sensitivity of a hypodermic syringe. He is also a miser and a sadist. A poor mute fellow came to class to ask for money for his operation. Da Geek could not find it in that metallic pump of his (his heart) to give the fellow ten bucks. And don’t even get me started on those coffee bites of his. I asked him to bring the L.O.T.R .III CD today, and he did not bring it just so I get bugged. He had better bring it tomorrow, or he might just have an inexplicable, though fatal accident. All klansmen are hereby informed that if he fails to bring the said object(s) tomorrow, he shall be considered fair game.

Nothing great happened today, which is not to say nothing out of the ordinary happened, which is basically impossible in Da Hellhole. Oh yeah Mr. Pro Gramma (Prateek Rungta) has been given the singularly unenviable task of testing a greenhorn for entry into EXUN (one of the lesser clans). Poor fellow can’t think of Qs to ask, which, by the way, is not as easy as it sounds. We had computers free, because Da Mouse Killer had to take practicals poor woman had so much work. I pity her .
I will return.
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

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Good day.

Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
Calm down, calm down. You don’t have to jump up and down in glee just because The Supreme and Exalted Leader of Da Klan has posted another entry. It is uncivil.

It was a most interesting day today. Point to be noted: interesting does not necessarily mean perfect, or even good. Mostly, it’s the opposite. The great Kapil Dev came to school today. He is as all clansmen will know, the first Hero of Da Klan. Great man, excellent cricket player and all round good guy. The tragedy of the matter was that Big C did not let us attend the assembly. Evil, evil I say. But this has given me a chance to explain how the Emergency Guest Receiving System works at school.
1. An announcement on the PAS calling the VPs and Headmistresses to the SFC (strategic forces command i.e. Big C’s room)
2. If students are required Da Mamta is called upon.
3. She in turn calls upon the intercrap club or the S.C.
4. The students scramble.
5. By now it is like, thirty minutes till Showtime. A complex and scientific process involving drawing of lots and flipping coins is used to pick the classes that attend the assembly.
6. Da Mamta puts the best speakers to work, double time, on speeches and questions.
7. About this time the cry of “Man battle stations, to arms, to arms!” issues forth for the SFC and approach is cordoned off by massive columns infantry from the Red Guard (a combined force of intercrap club members, SC members, and other assorted ass kissers).
8. When the VIP arrives he (or she) sees, therefore, a highly censored and mostly fictional version of the school, and naturally leaves it impressed.
It’s flawless.


Da Geek had to be taught how to calculate the remainder in a division. This caused me (and, for that matter, Da Mouse Killer) much distress. He gets these fits of daftness every so often. Later, however, was able to furnish a decent excuse and is therefore pardoned.

It was the math teacher’s turn to do some blitzkrieging of her own. One chapter in 25 minutes. Just like that, no questions asked. Period.

Hope this is not contagious.

It has become blatantly obvious to me that Da Deep One is either incapable of reading, or incapable comprehending, or both. I quite clearly mentioned that the Burrah kebab at Bukhara was good. NOT the meat in general. I can understand it if he disagrees about the Dal Bukhara, I have peculiar taste in dal. As in much else. But such differences are bound to occur between the great and the lowly, and so he too is pardoned.

I can’t go and see LOTR III any more due to an unscheduled trip to Haryana. L Me no happy.
Suraiya, a singer of great fame has recently kicked the proverbial bucket. This has caused Da Lunatic much anguish. He is a fan. For a longer testimonial to the great woman, click here.

Alrighty then,
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
The Ailuropoda melanoleuca is an interesting creation of Mother Nature’s. It is an extremely large mammal (no, I am not talking about myself), which is mostly black but sometimes (usually in parts) white (no, I am not talking about Michael Jackson). Most of you will know it as the ‘Big hairy dude on the nature lover guy’s card’. Some of you, who know more than is good for you, will know it as The Giant Panda. Now, it is wrongly believed that pandas are a species is confined to The People’s Republic of China and the Tibetan plateau. In fact, there are pandas in our West Bengal. I met one of them today at that sorry excuse for a torture chamber that is my school. This particular one is the mascot for Exun and is usually given the prefix ‘Ze’ as a badge of honor. All interact members and directors, Pakistanis, George Bush like creatures and other assorted birdbrains reading this will note that the Panda in question is, as is obvious, not a four legged member of the bear family but a human being. His blog (along with Da Geek’s is) the one that started the whole blogging thing with me, so you realize it is actually entirely his fault.

We went to Bukhara yesterday, and I left it quite impressed. The barrah / burrah kebabs were top of the line (though not quite as good as Karim’s) and the ‘Dal Bukhara’ is, in my opinion quite exquisite. Note how I use ‘ In my opinion’ so Da Deep One can’t go around raising all hell about how I have no sense of taste blah blah blah, blah blah blah. The prices are, however, atrocious. They were, in my opinion random numbers picked by some equally random moron. One thing that boggles the mind however, is that these numbers never receded below 675/- (plus tax) in the non-vegetarian section. It is well that they are not located next to a highway or they’d be arrested- for highway robbery (bad, bad joke).

We had chemistry today. It was BAD. Da Banshee, as Da Geek likes to call her, was in blitzkrieg mode today. No, she was not flying around the class pelting us with chalks, but teaching at a pace comparable to that of the advancing columns of the first panzer at the beginning of WWII.

It is a widely acclaimed fact that the mechanics (both the quantum and the physical) of physics do not, have not, and therefore will not apply to the DPSian dimensions of this universe. There fore I The Supreme and Exalted leader of Da Klan have devised the Azgezite Mechanics to explain the happenings in these strange dimensions. In all fairness though, it must be said that Da Geek (on Tuesday, February 03, 2004) has laid down the basic principles that lead these scientific discoveries. The principles, en brief are:
1. Law of Conservation of Misery: Da Geek’s Law of Conservation of Misery states that the total amount of misery in a closed system always remains constant. Misery can only be transferred from one person to another person/medium. It can be created but cannot be destroyed.
2. Emotional Mathematics: It has one basic theorem. If your state of mind is negative, and a positive event occurs in your life, then you feel happier than you would, had you been in a positive state of mind.

There is another rule, which, though it is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT rule of the Azgezite mechanics is only mentioned as a footnote in the annals of Da Geek’s blog.
This is of course the first of the Grand Truths of Da Klan.
Pessimism RULES.

The Moment of Dementia: Comparable to The Moment of Inertia in rotational mechanics, this is a measure how bad your head is spinning after one of those notoriously bad classes.
MoD is proportional to length of class, inversely proportional to number of interruptions and directly proportional to difficulty of topic.
MoD = k*[(length of class* difficulty of topic)/(number of interruptions)]

K is the teacher’s constant. Lower the value of ‘K’ better is the teaching, and lower the MoD. Subject has no effect on K whatsoever. People like Da Mouse Killer (who, by the way, has been making slanderous comments about this exquisite journal in front of His Airiness, Sir Altitude and Da Geek) have a very low ‘K’ (one one thousandth or less), while people like He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face have ‘K’ values in the millions. ‘K’ changes with time.
That is quite enough for today. You will be duly informed of any new discoveries in this field.
Cheerio.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!