Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Good day.
Springdales Pusa

Very nice blokes. Ready to adjust, facilitated us in almost everything, fun event, terrible food. We won third prize in the symposium, would've won third if somebody had interjected on the presentation that came in second (St. Thomas').
Quiz was a disaster.

Bloodfist out.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Good day.

Of Obnoxious Hairdos, New Bloggers and the fine sport of Bee Bonking.

The latest of the various nutty trends that usually go around my friend circle happens to involve causing your hair to twist and convulse is such a manner so as to imitate any one of the following –

  • A hypodermic syringe.
  • A potato slicer.

Kuhrazeeman has opted to go in for what I like to call, the “Pinhead Look”. Most people seem to think it fits his personality. Chee, I wonder why (kindly note the copious quantities of sarcasm used).

Da Reaper has gone in for the second option.

Da Bee a.k.a. Queen Bee, has taken up blogging. This is viewed with a mixture of amusement and nonchalance in Da Klan. It is however, nice to know that even people like Da Bee, the only point of whose existence was at one time thought to be to serve as game in the fine sport of Bee Bonking (explained below), are capable of writing. There is hope for humanity yet.

The Supreme Azgez of the Bloodfists has recently invented the sport of Bee Bonking. To play, first thing one needs to do is equip one’s self with pens the more the merrier. Now, catch a hold of Da Bee, usually found in E-106. Now the players proceed to bonk Da Bee on the head, taking turns and starting with the tallest person present. The person with the greatest bonk-to-turn ratio when time is called wins!!

It may also be played as non competitive sport, for the fun of it.

Happy bee hunting!

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Good day.


Proposed Schedule


The proposed schedule for Exun 2004 is ready, though the date has not been decided. The list of events is also ready. The word file containing both is up for download here.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Good day.

Greetings


Guess who’s back?
The above statement is purely rhetorical; I do not expect you to guess. No it’s not Richard Nixon and no you can’t mail me your answers.

I have not been writing the past month because I did not feel like it. That is that.

Much has happened this month, mainly concerning examinations. The set of exams in question are a set that I took with little or no prep, simply because I hade phase tests to give. The result of this exercise was that I have scored little or no marks; and consequently, this has not been the most enjoyable part of bloodfistonian history as far as the Supreme Azgez is concerned.
Through Mista Puhrezident I have recently acquired this most interesting book on ciphers and codes, and have, consequently, caught the cipher bug. I put this cipher question up on lnexun and thought I might put it up here too, here it is:

--------------------------------------------------
G4,M2114,B,243,ASDECFQW,SXE,
************************************************
JONLJVXRJWKXSDRSMRPWDJHSJEQY
PSVQCKUIQUNJGVHGEANROYPKNZTBLITPSUUNYLNUTPTCPQSW
TPGGFJNDQLVPZFXMGTVTYCRKFVKIPNHWYLTBQRPYRCCAODIE
NMXJHPYNJLTSJTVSLOACJGKCOGEULYPOGIPLXBRXGGQSZRQC
YCVKLQRVQVMVVZJFLCBBBAYRGQKOJVJRXKOYWNXMUKYMXXUV
KBLDJBNGMAOIGNYJYLYYQZZCBIMLWPSJBMIRKSADWQTIWLGJ
QJGBGUNLNUBDBTBTWATGMQW,
************************************************
RGUAXISWGLAVWWBXISWSYAUBFLARLBSLESUAAYWBLCLKWBUFNL
RGWDUEARDWQXINNLAFUCWRGWBLJWLBDNISWKLBSRGWAWRRUBFA
--------------------------------------------------
You only have to decipher the bit between the stars, the rest are clues which should, ideally, only be used when you are on the verge of giving up.


Exun is finally going national this year, and we need a lot of dough to make this work. We organized an event decision committee and got the event list finalized. The finance guys are having no such success, mind you, because Mr. Mukesh is currently in LA, and refuses to reply to his mail. This is major source of irritation since we can’t really start organizing the moneys unless he gives us a rough estimate.

I have decided to start using this blog to keep track of all details relating to Exun 2004 that will be. .


I start by putting up a list of events

Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Good day.

THAT WAS FREAKY!


The great and glorious, and also previously mentioned, deducing powers that I possess tell me that you lot are probably wondering what I am referring to. What I am referring to, is a singularly nerve racking experience that I had the singular displeasure of experiencing.
Most of you know that I go to FIITJEE for JEE training. Now I have often written less than graciously about a fair bit of people there (not including someone who is about to be mentioned). Now they believe teaching mathematics at FIITJEE, methinks they think that it is of some little assistance in the IIT-JEE. Well anyway, when you teach mathematics is useful to have a mathematics teacher. For me (and my batch), this illustrious post is filled by one Mr. Ashish Khare. This same Mr. Khare also happens to be fairly interested in computers in general and is in-charge of their site updates etc. So he decides one day to google FIITJEE. On the third page there is a link to the archives of this journal, one particular entry in which I had gone off about how mathematics papers were stupidly hard at FIITJEE. Note he’s a mathematics teacher.

So today he walks up in class and tells me he’s been reading my blog (he did not know of blogs, so he said it in a way which made me think about it a little before it dawned on me that he’d been this journal). Naturally, this caused me extreme discomfort, and I was on the verge of hydrating my clothing all class as he’d asked me to come along so he could show me what he was talking about.

Well, I did go along with the fellow, and he contrary to set mathematics teacher behavior, was a brilliant sport and even asked me if I’d like to help him with the FIITJEE site in my free time.

Conclusion - Classic case of all’s well that doth not end in a well.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Good day.

I am NOT dead.


Contrary to popular belief and the hopes of the municipal corporation of the city of New Delhi, I am not dead. I still am very much in the land of the living. Those who do not believe me will kindly go and check the archives of the department of consumption.

With a thunder fit …

There many things in this universe that happen less often than others, still other things that do not happen at all. Some of these tings are, indeed so rare that not even all the Greek gods have seen them. One such thing is a Bloodfistonian stomachache. This rare, and almost mythical (though very uncomfortable) phenomenon took place yesterday night, and lasted trough the day. The night was marked by thunder and lightning, and the day with windstorms. Also, I’m told Venus came to watch. You lot probably think I’m making too much of a small thing, but then you lot are also plain stupid. I’ve not had a stomach ache in a good year. Also, you will understand that I have a lot of stomach. Hence there is a very large part of my person, which messed up when my stomach is messed up.

I will return.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Good day.

Why, you wondered …


You probably wondered some time last week about why I have not written for so long. Let me tell you.
Thirteenth, the day of the result, every T.V. news channel west of the sea of Rhun declares that the dance of democracy n India is over. Everyone that is, but me. This is mainly because I have seen too many Lok Sabhas constituted not to know that what has ended is only the first movement, not the dance. The fun part has only just begun. Here is a day-by-day break up.


13.05.2004, Thursday.

The Verdict is in …


Nine O’ Clock Wednesday night, a seventy year old fellow got up from his chair in counting hall number fifty four in an obscure district in an equally obscure part of the Indian state of U.P. and said “Constituency to Mr. ABC of the BJP by XYZ votes”. So ended the greatest democratic exercise in history, and the most complex logistical procedure in the same- The Indian General Election and the counting of the votes.
The people have spoken, and this is what they said—
1. Congress+ 219
2. BJP+ 188
3. Left+ 64
4. The rest of the lot gets the rest of the lot.
In my personal opinion, the right party won, but the wrong man lost. Atal Bihari Vajpayee is the last of the true statesmen this country had. Sonia Gandhi could not stand up to him if she … forget it, she could never even come close.

14.05.2004, Friday.

Murder, Death, Kill, it's all happening on Dalal Street.


The markets showed their love for communists in general this day. The communists on the other hand, showed their sense of propriety. Neither was a pretty sight. The General Secretary of the CPI(M) promptly walks out and says that the divestment ministry is going to be scrapped. The markets decide that it’s a brilliant time to go vacationing. Leisure activity of choice? BUNGEE JUMPING.
300 point drop.

15.05.2004, 16.05.2004; Saturday, Sunday.
No great revelations, mainly because the communist politburo and later central committee was meting in order to decide whether to join the government or not. True to communist efficiency, this lasts two days. They decide not to join the government. Sonia Gandhi elected chief of the congress parliamentary party (or committee or something).

17.05.2004, Monday.

Black Monday, Slaughter on Dalal Street.


No one called this. This was the big one they all feared but didn’t see coming. Trading stopped thrice, and the maximum loss of the index was close to 800 points before the panic control measures took control. The net loss was something like 500 pts. Which is the highest ever.

Net loss of the order of 1012 (yes twelve) rupees


18.05.2004, Tuesday.

What the flying f*** is the madwoman doing??



Five o’ clock this (that is Tuesday) afternoon, the biggest bungler in Indian politics pulled off the most graceful yet pointlessly idiotic political maneuver in history. Sonia Gandhi refuses the post of prime minister. Forget the people, forget their mandate, she just … decides. The markets shoot up (I’m not trying to imply anything). Heaven only knows why she did it. Sacrifice ?? Please. That’s the biggest clod of shit I have ever heard, and I sat with Manav for a year. What the hell for? I mean, you need an object for a sacrifice. What is the goal, what does she mean to achieve by sacrificing the post ? I mean, this is the most nonsensical thing I have ever seen, and I have seen the ’91 government. Half her party is in a state of shock. Nobody knows what to do. You see, the congressmen are very good at plying second fiddle, especially to a Gandhi, but they have no real Prime Minister people.

One good thing does come out of this, Dr. Manmohan Singh gonna be new P.M.

19.05.2004, Wednesday

It’s almost over



Manmohan Singh, Doctor of Economics, former lecturer at the Delhi School of Economics, former Governor of the Reserve Bank of India, former finance minister, and the father of Liberalization in India, went , with Mrs. Gandhi to meet an old rocket scientist. The rocket scientist gave him a letter. A wax designed and manufactured only for this purpose sealed the letter. The seal belonged to the First Citizen of our nation. This letter effectively made him the most important and powerful man in India. It was the invitation to form a government.

Personally I think it turned out well, he’ll pick the minister tomorrow or thereafter, and there will finally be a government. With him as P.M., firstly the communist effect goes down, there is no infighting for the finance minister’s post. Everybody’s happy. Or so it seems. God bless us all (more like god help us all).


FOR THE REPUBLIC!!!!!
Jai Hind. (excuse the corniness)
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Monday, May 17, 2004

Good day.
Mista Purezident did something today that I honstly thought beneath him. He renamed his blog "Karan's Journal". Remind you of somthing?
It's sad to see this, it really is. I'm very disapponted.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Good day.

BY THUNDER


Yours truly, that is to say the supreme commander of the Bloodfist Klan is seriously displeased. Note – mother of all understatements. He is also of the opinion that the people at Hotwire (his internet service provider) take mathematics tuitions from Mista Puhrezident. This won’t strike most people as a very odd thing but then most people have not seen him in mathematics class. Anyway the point was that in my opinion the Hotwire people seem to think that five is a universal function; that is, not matter five what (that is hours, minutes, days, weeks) it all amounts to ten days. Mathematically.


5 (x) = 10 : x belongs to R



Hence he lack of blog updates. Frequency promised.

Tomorrow is counting day. Most of you won’t give a hoot in hell but this a very important day, the future of the country and all. Election results go up tomorrow in as much detail as time permits.

Vanilla Coke


SHITTIEST DRINK IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY. A waste of both vanilla and coke, taste like a blend of throat medicine and snail urine. Not that I have ever tried snail urine.

Mid year teacher review



English-- Perfect (not to be confused with `good` or `nice`) HOD English. Boring, thick, slow as hell, always on the wrong side of the verge of anger. On a scale of –10 to 10? -5.

Computers-- Nice guy veeeerrrry methodical. I guess you have to be that for the BOARD.
On a scale of –10 to 10? 6.

Chemistry-- Now here is the perfect chemistry teacher as fast as I am concerned, he does numericals, definitions and theoretical problems all with due importance plus he finds time to make the class enjoyanble.
On a scale of –10 to 10? 7.

Mathematics-- I admit it. I was wrong about him. He is really good. I don’t know who it was who said that this fellow is strict or quick to anger, but whoever it was needs to have their cerebral cortex examined. Not only does he give loads of questions, he explains the lot, stops in all the right places (when the mathematics part gets boring) and keeps the class in good cheer.
On a scale of –10 to 10? 5.

Physics-- Here is one teacher who hasn’t the foggiest clue about what she is doing. I have half a mind to violate my own rule about unparliamentary language on this blog just so I could suitably describe her.
On a scale of –10 to 10? Negative infinity.


Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!
PS - Do snails even pee?

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Good day.

I know, I don’t like the template either …


It’s just that template changing is time-consuming activity and I haven’t the time. I’m up to my neck in work. I brought it on me, I know, but that does not make it any easier to deal with. Point is, the template stays, at least for a bit.

All school appointees and general idiots will please note, I’m talking about my blog template.

Now, about the passport services of the Republic of India. Writing (or indeed, typing) anything about them is an exercise laborious to both mind and fingertip. This is mainly because the ‘services’ part is, for the most part, nonexistent. As most of you might have guessed, I have recently had my passport made, under the ‘Tatkal’ or express scheme. If you do not happen to know a Joint Director in the employ of the Government of India, I suggest you do not opt for the express scheme; the regular one is faster.
I will not give a minute-by-minute account of the place, but here are few of the major points of interest. The ‘help’ booth cum reception desk was unmanned all day. The RPO, the guy who attests the passports, had a stomach that could have easily been mistaken for Grand friggin’ Central Station. There were computers there, which were very obviously on loan from the national museum or some similar establishment, which also explained the phenomenal efficiency level of the place. There was a three hour-long line, which I fortunately avoided, due to mum’s post, if you take my meaning. Getting passport in three days, woohoo.

The microprocessor located inside Mista Puhrezident’s skull has been acting up again. He basically fell apart in mathematics today, blundering about six or seven times a line, cutting and scratching lines of work and finally ending up stabbing himself in the elbow with his stolen parker. Unimportant but funny.

Oh, and also, somebody set the default setting for the dot matrix in lab four to “pause”, so the damn thing pauses by default, hence every print order just queues up, and nothing is printed. Very confounding, Mr. Mukesh had to fix the dogged thing in the end, because we just could not comprehend the fact that some one could be thick enough to do this, and hence never checked.
Cheerio then.


AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Thursday, April 22, 2004

By the way, blogger just asked moi to sign in for gmail. Brilliant new concept, hope it catches on. I'm nisheeth@gmail.com now, and the rediffmail account I have is hereby suspnded until further notice. any mails to me will now go to this address, NOT to the hotmail or the rediffmail address.
Good day.

Cyberfest.


Day One
We reach school and go straight to The Web Resource Center. Part of the reason for doing this was that the basic person we were relying on to win Linux programming for us (moi) had never seen a bash widow before. So we waited for the crowed to arrived, checked out bash, and I enjoyed the rare privilage of teaching Mista Puhrezident a thing or two about computer related stuff.

We go to the transport department where we are informed that the eight of us must go in one van. After using some strange metaphysical matter compression techniques, we al load up and head for “Mata Jai Kaur Public School, Ashok Vihar”. We enter the school and realize that the side drummer at said school wear the same sashes as our honorable Head Boys/Girls. No more need be said.

We were made to sit in a pandal, which looked more like a langar ground than an auditorium. The chief guest did not show up, so they tried to give us gum by making the school chaprasi stand in for him, and give the speech.

The day was a general success, except for our moronic juniors who loose the files in which they store their answers. Believe it. We, that is to say Mista Puhrezident and I won Linux programming, and both our teams qualified for the senior quiz.

Day Two
Major disappointment. Okay, so we won senior programming, but that is Exun’s pet event, and we had the Azgez of the Bloodfists on our team (not to mention Rrrungtah formerly known as H.Ed. Pro Gramma) , we simply could not have lost. But we lost the senior quiz, which was disappointing. The quiz itself was one of the worst I have seen in a fair bit. The quizmaster was hyperventilating all through the quiz and the scorekeeping software seemed to mark on the basis on the basis of some sort of randomization function.

Only the Azgez of the Bloodfists could win more than one event.

There were two things I liked about the place, the keyboards in the labs and the school band, which by the way, was awesome.

Final rating – Decent to incredibly terrible.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Monday, April 19, 2004

Good day.

The Dance Begins …


Of democracy that is. Tomorrow begins the single largest democratic exercise in the history of history. The Republic of India, that is Bharat, will put to vote. Consequently, every Tom, Dick and/or Harry who can tell the difference between a seat and peat (and a fair lot who can’t) is out on the street wanting a chance to run the country. Obviously, they succeed.
Furthermore, as this is the largest democratic exercise in the history of history, it is also the most futile piece of coordinated human effort in the history of, as aforesaid, history. But still, please, whatever you do, go out and vote. The day is off; 60 minutes lost can’t hurt.
Remember, if mera Bharat mahan, sau me sey ninyanby beimaan is taken to be true, then that still makes ten million honest folk. So take pride in India, and go out and vote. God knows those poll booth people need something to do.

Tomorrow is also my first Exun event in the capacity of programmer. I am going for Linux and senior programming. I am all excited. Hoohaa.
Awlrighty then
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Good day.

Enter the Bloodfist …



Into EXUN that is. Not a big deal, but as it is such an important event for that little midget of a clan, I thought I’d mention it. Apparently they, that is to say we, now have the honor of taking out printouts; this has Mista Puhrezident all excited.
Hoohaa.

Now as any Member of Da Klan would know, the only proper way to wear a sash is about the waist, with the knot on the right. This fact has obviously escaped all of the higher appointees, which by the way, does not surprise me one bit, all things considered. For the information of the general public all major post holders at school have got these brilliantly red sashes. They are a little more than red queue dividers and a little less than bad quality mats. Let us leave it at that.

Any one who meets Da Tall Dark and Decomposing One will kindly, in their cheekiest voice, tell him how well his suits him. This goes for the lot of them actually.

There is this short woman at school who enjoys writing poetry, the length of which, quite unfortunately, bears no resemblance to her ground clearance. One such example is at this time occupying what I consider to be an undeservingly large number of kilobytes on Mista Puhrezident’s blog. Now woman, I have nothing against you, but this ghastly excuse for verse I am solidly against. I am not against going off on Mista Puhrezident either (quite for it actually), but I suggest you steer clear of going off on blogs. Blogs are great and wonderful things and as you don’t have one, methinks you should keep your extremely large trap, and decidedly rusty pen, shut.
That’s it then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Monday, April 12, 2004

Good day.

From the left … QUICK MARCH


Man, there is just nothing to write about, life is very boring. Everyone is doing absolutely nothing of interest, except perhaps marching. Yes, about marching. The March Past is this really illogical and pointless thing Big C does to amuse her guests, and get off on the power she wields. ALL school appointees, without exception, are made to march, like the first friggin’ infantry, and salute her as they go past (her). And they tell me she’s not related to Hitler.

She Who Hath Titanium Rod Up Her Arse (M.B.I.H.P.S.) is the most irritating being on the planet, and enjoys marking out, on the class list, who has given in their work and who hasn’t. Lord, she’s an H.O.D.; you’d think she’d have better things to do.
Mukesh has basically sworn not to show up in time for class. The guy is so regular at being late that people set their watches by his comings and goings.

Mista Puhrezident’s birthday party movie and pics are up, so check out his blog.

H.Ed Pro Gramma has finally found time in his extremely busy schedule to check my Exun entrance program. Or so I hope.
If sarcasm was quantised, and every unit of sarcasm was a grain of sand, then the amount of sarcasm on the word ‘busy’ in the last statement would be the equivalent of a planet the size of Jupiter, made entirely out of compressed sand.

Also, about Da Flawa Gurl. She came to Karan’s birthday party, which basically made Karan’s day, if not year. Amiable girl, as far as girls go, which is not very far. This however is no reason for anyone to stop teasing him/her bout the other. I presume that it is not out of goodness of heart that the Badshah prohibits all his subjects to stop the teasing and therefore I will not say what I think of his order or the threats of Ka-dongs or Ka-bongs or whatever.

NO KLANSMAN IS TO OBEY THE ORDER


That’s it then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Monday, April 05, 2004

Good day.

Just when you thought it was over.


Yup, just when you thought that I was done, that I had stopped and would never write again, I return.
I had reshuffling tests, which went a lot better than expected, but also caused a major lack of blog updates.

I had planned to write a thing or two about Mista Puhrezident, so I will write a thing or two about Mista Puhrezident. The man is the cheapest, most heartless, selfish and profit minded person I know, and I know Da Tall Dark and Decomposing One. He shall go down in history, of course as the president who sold the freedom of The Exunclan to Big C, just so he could be an appointee. The disgrace. Needless to say, if anyone from Da Klan even tried this, he would be olivated (given the olive press treatment). To ensure that the spirit of this clan lives on, I have decided to join it. Such is the greatness of the Azgez of the Bloodfists. Furthermore, he is the most monstrously stupid, not to mention suicidal man this side of Ursa Minor. He called Vrinda Marwah a bitch. Then he posted it on the net, for all (including miss Marwah) to read. For those who do not know Vrinda, this is just about as smart as testing the motion sensors on a landmine with your left foot.

I have recently committed the gargantuan error of lending money to Da Tall Dark and Decomposing One. For obvious reasons, I will say no more.

The reshuffling tests have also caused a lot of backlog in my schoolwork, which I plan to cover up this week. This is not very nice since I had planned to chill this week, which I can’t do now. F***.
Mista Puhrezident’s birthday is coming up. God bless his airiness for telling me that. I plan to eat him out of house and home. Woohooo.

Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Good day.

I’ve had bloody enough.


Yes ladies, gents and school appointees, I have simply had enough, I am through and I am having done with it all. You lot are probably hoping that I am talking about my life. Sorry to disappoint you. I am talking about my blog. No, don’t start celebrating just yet; I’m not shutting it down. I am however, going back to basics. You see, I’ve been thinking. Don’t post comments about the humor in the previous statement because I’ll delete them anyway. Like I was saying, I’ve been thinking, and have come to the conclusion that I have, or at least am about to backseat the whole point of this Journal. The thing was started so I could write whatever I liked without giving half a hoot about what others thought. Obviously, I have digressed. I admit it, until recently, I gave too much of bat's buttock about what you insignificant lesers mortals thought. I have now decided that all ‘frills’ that I have added to this Journal (saving only the colour scheme and comments, but including daily questions, Webstat and Firefox icons and my counter) are all going out the window.

Henceforth, I do not give a f***.
God that feels good.

Also, today was Ram Naumi which basically means that my sister gets loads of dough, and I get a treat, courtesy her. God bless her kind, gentle soul. Those who have called me on the telly at home will know that I say that only because she reads this Journal.

Revision of Nomenclature.


This is the first nomenclature revision in the great and glorious history of Da Klan. I hereby decree, by the power vested in me by the rank and office of the Azgez of the Bloodfists that hereinafter, the creature that was up until this moment referred to as Da Geek, shall be called, Mista Puhrezident, on account of him jointly ascending the throne of the Exun clan (one of the lesser clans) along with Sir Altitude. Since His Airiness already holds knighthood, he will not be renamed. Also, Da Pro Gramma shall be called H.Ed. Pro Gramma. As Da Deep One has, by self-proclamation, acceded the throne of Blah, he shall be called His Majesty, The Badshah of Blah.
More tomorrow.
Like everyone says now,
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Good day.

Shocks …


The above title probably leads you to believe that the day was full of shocks. Good, that’s its object. These shocks were however, not only mental, they were quit physical. I’ve been hit four times today with bolt of pure static electricity, and it is no fun. I get up, pick up the quilt, and wham; I’m zapped. I get out of the car; I’m fried. It’s amazing. More like crazy.

Second shock of the day: FIITJEE mathematics paper was disastrous. Disastrously simple, that is. Writing anything after this like saying “Albert Einstein, a noted scientist”.

Also the ICT is doing well in Multan. The Master (Sachin) has decided not to touch a ball unless it physically digresses from its trajectory and dives onto his bat. The Butcher (Sehwag) on the other hand, has decided not to leave a ball be unless it physically digresses from its trajectory and dives away from his bat. We are in pretty good shape but, which is good.
I will be writing about antonyms in the near future, the first entry shall be entitled ‘Women and Logic’.

Also, I notice that of all those self proclaimed brilliant people who have been commenting about how easy yesterday’s second question was and such like have been unsuccessful is completing a nursery rhyme. Go burn yourselves.
Previous answers –
1) “Up Jack got and home did trot as fast as he could caper,
To old dame Dob who patched his knob with vinegar and brown paper”.
2) Catcher in the Rye
Today’s question- Lord of the Rings; Name the only beacon of Gondor visible in Rohan.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Friday, March 26, 2004

Good day.
Two questions, because I could not put one up yesterday.
Q1. Complete the nursery rhyme: "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, ..... , Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after".
Q2. Which of JD Salinger's books is narrated by a kid by the name of 'Holden'?
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Monday, March 22, 2004

Good day.

And So It Begins, The Beginning Of The END


It’s true Ladies and Gents; today was the first day of my last school year. All new teachers, so that’s something to write about. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Mr. Prem Dhawan: - After a year of enduring Da Banshee this guy is a godsend. He’s reasonably funny, and makes chemistry fun, which Da Banshee is just plain incapable of. He’s also our class teacher. Good.
2. Mr. Kathooria: - Haven’t the foggiest clue about the spelling of his name. He’s your standard issue board class mathematics teacher. Boring, grumpy looking, and in love with mathematics. His moustache doubles as a protective guard to his mouth against flies and such like.
3. Mr. Mukesh: - I’m told he’s a really good computer science teacher, and he probably is. Has sideburns the size of Louisiana.
4. Mrs. Renu Nagarkar:- She’s the H.O.D. for English. I’ve heard that she is pathetically strict. Tell you what; she looks it. Not that it matters, but methinks that her hairdo went out with the Byzantine Empire.
5. Mrs. Shobha Mehta: - Very jovial person. Missed her class because of the Editorial Board interview, can’t really comment.
Big C (M.B.I.H.P.S.) is just too old to exist. Apart from being really really stupid, she is plain evil. She is so friggin’ evil that when she passes by a toilet, the toilet flushes itself. The stuff between her ears started rotting sometime after the birth of The Prophet Mohammed (M.P.B.U.H.) who I suspect was ten years her junior (in age). I’ll stop writing about her now, lest the mention of her evil existence, pollute this journal.
Da Tall Dark And Decomposing One made head boy, which is good. The official oath of office will be taken tomorrow. I’ve applied for the Ed. Board; we’ll see what transpires.
Today’s Question: What ancient Greek island-town was Hippocrates from?

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

They Never Saw Him Coming


The stage was set. A large total, being chased by the best of the best. In walk the Master and the Butcher. The Master falls, enter the Long Named One. The Long Named One falls, enter the Prince. The prince wallops the Pakistanis to all corners of the park. This, in a round park. In any case, the Butcher is soon lost and The Wall makes his entry. The Prince tries to continue wallop, but falls bravely in the attempt. Enter UV. He tries, and fails. All that lies between the Pakistanis and victory now is a thin, lanky bus driver’s son, from a remote part of Mumbai. No one called it, and anyone with any brains said that it was over. Unfortunately for the Pakistanis, the proverbial fat lady had not sung, and the man in question, Mohammed Kaif, basically pulls a rabbit, no, forget rabbit, more like a herd of buffalo out of the proverbial hat, and stands alongside The Wall, till the end. Victory in Lahore.
Good day.
The captain of the Indian cricket team, Mr. Ganguly, has recently been contacted by the Dungbrain Institute For Really Loony Doctorates with regard to the doctorate that he has been pursuing. It is speculated that the communiqué contains within it the date on which Mr. Ganguly shall be receiving his PhD in loosing tosses. I think it would be fair to say that he is the highest authority when it comes to such matters and the degree was long overdue.
Furthermore, the Indian bowlers have taken an oath to fix all the problems and grievances that divide India and Pakistan. Either that, or they are gay, and the Pakistani batters are their partners.
Don’t even get me started on the batting.
On another front, I am mortified to know that only one of you knew the answer to yesterday’s question, especially since some of you are amateur quizzers and quiz for the school every so often. Well, I guess it is unfair on my part to expect you lot to have a brain level comparable to that of the Azgez of the Bloodfists.
In any case the answer was “The Incom T-65C A2 X-Wing Starfighter”, and definitely not a Fokker biplane, with reference to His Airiness’ answer.
Today’s Question (please, try to answer, guess if you don’t know, at least I will know people out their have eyes, if not brains): According to that old rhyme in ‘Treasure Island’, how many men were there on the dead man’s chest?
This is very, very easy, I expect at least ten correct answers.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Good day.
I have decided that, starting today, I shall be posting a random question on this journal. I do this so even if I can't write an entry, at least you lot have sommat to come back to. Any answer may be entered in the coments.So let's see what sort of brains you guys have. Even Intercrap Club members may try this, I could use a laugh.
Today's Question: In what aircraft did Luke Skywalker destroy the Death Star? Gimme the full name and model.
Good day.

On Life and the Gentlemen's Game


I have decided to write this on order to avoid sending this journal into the void that is disuse. Life is being a f***ed up bitch. I just finished with my XI annuals, and those morons at FIITJEE schedule reshuffling tests, so I have no time for anything. To make matters worse, the Indian batters can’t seem to tell the difference between a cricket ball and a piece of empty space, since that’s where they swing (the bat) every time the Pakistanis ball to them. Tomorrow is the Lahore match, if we loose, we are out of the series. So we will win. Or die trying.

If, for any reason, the Indians don’t die trying, it is my belief that the crowd will murder them, since half of the expected crowd is Indian, and half of Amritsar is expected to show up.

This is my last (academic) year in school, thinking about which sort of freaks me, but not too much.
School starts Monday, and I hope they change our teachers, if we get Da Banshee® again, I will either kill her, or me or both. Most likely her.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Monday, March 15, 2004

Good day.
Much has happened since I last took keyboard under palm. Here’s a brief review:
1. Physics Paper : - People claim it was a disastrously hard, evil, and generally not likeable piece of printed papyrus. I see their point. Not that it made any difference to the Azgez of the Bloodfists, whose paper still went reasonably good, but it is always nice to mention the unimportant.
2. English Paper: - I have no clue how this went, and it really does not matter, because I’ll get standard marks anyway, not unlike the rest of eleventh.
3. More Importantly, : - There was an India v/s Pakistan match on Saturday. It proved two of the Bloodfist Klan’s most ancient theorems. The first one being, India can’t bowl. You can argue all you like but the truth still stands, we can’t friggin’ chuck the bloody thing if our nuts depended on it. Saving only the last over and some of Sehwag’s overs, we basically threw the damn thing everywhere except at the stumps. Consequently, the Pakistani batters hit the thing everywhere except in a fielder’s hand. Had it not been for the Pakistani’s unshakable resolve to loose the game, methinks we would not have won. The Pakistanis however were not far behind us in the couldn’t-bowl-for-shit race, and gave away more extras than Sachin’s personal score, and when the extras outscore Sachin, the bowlers should just quit, they’ll serve the team better that way. The second theorem proved (in the course of the match) states, “ The Indian cricket team, irrespective of the opposition, pitch conditions, and sweetener content in chewing gum, is perfectly capable of making a match out of any game”. The point, they’ll be perfectly set for victory, they’ll win, but they’ll make the victory so nailbitingly close, that the entire crowd will go home thinking ‘what a game’. Unfortunately, this works for losses too, and more often. But, taking nothing away from the MIB, they played a splendid game of cricket and beat the Pakistanis to boot. Hallelujah.
4. Mathematics Paper: - Reasonably decent, 90+ expected. Never go by my expectations.


All in all, it has been great few days and I have computers coming up, so I’m relaxing a bit, which is a good thing.
So, in the words of two of the greatest thinkers of our time, Droopy Dog and Aadisht Khanna, I’m happy.



AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

P.S. - To His Grace, Sir Altitude, point conceded.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Good day.

DISASTER


Ladies, gentlemen and intercrap club members, it’s official. The Indian Cricket team could not play cricket if their balls depended on it. They have a near- perfect game. Only, they can’t bowl. The morons could not defend a total of three sixty plus. I mean, my sister can defend that. To top it al off, the opposition was an A team. My God.
By the way, it’s physics tomorrow. I’m less perturbed about this then chemistry, but …
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

< archive push >
< archive push >
Good day.

EXAMS, DAY ONE.


It was actually a lot better than expected. Believe me, chemistry can be a lot worse. Expecting over 63 (on 70), which is always a good thing. Physics is up next, which means more derivations and less mugging. Go Life.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Good day.

And So It Begins …


It is finally time; the annuals officially begin tomorrow. The first paper is chemistry, which would explain the severe lack of dipsites on the net. I just finished the course and will attempt some Ionic questions soon. My nerves are vibrating like guitar strings in a Bryan Adams concert. Hope I do well.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!

Monday, March 08, 2004

The Unnumbered Smears


Good day.
It was holi yesterday. The one time of the year everyone in the family celebrates, and generally does what they like. The main purpose of today’s entry therefore, is to describe how my family celebrates holi. I know you don’t give a shit. But you forget that I don’t give a shit about you, so I’ll write anyway.
The whole atmosphere begins to take hold when one of two things happens. The first is the arrival of Khoya from Lucknow i.e. my grandmother’s place. The other is my nanaji’s phone call informing my mum that the bhaang has arrived (from his village), and she should too. This happens on the day before ‘badi’ holi. About this time my mum leaves for New Rohtak Road (nanaji’s place). I could not go, and that is a tragedy. All my three mamas live there, along with ten of my cousins. The holi there is WILD. None of the servants (driver included) go hoe for the night. All night they, along with my uncles, sit and grind the Bhaang. Around one, my nanaji inspects the bhaang and if he likes it, it gets put in the thandai, which cools overnight in three drums. The ground floor is used only for preparation of the Tesu colour. Three drums in all. This gets poured into a bathtub older than the Great Wall. The night is spent singing PHAAGs (holi songs) on the roof (you know, rang barse and all).
The day arrives, and we (those of my family that are still home) get up early, and the first to get up smears the family with gulal. This person is normally either my dad or my grandmother. Having done this we prepare a store of water balloons, stick them in bucket(s), and wait. When the formalities of meeting the neighbors are done with, we stick the bucket(s) in the car, fill up everything that can hold water with colour, and head to nanaji’s place. When we turn into the street, dad parks the car and we pull out the bucket(s) and start loosing balloons like we were the First friggin’ Punjab Artillery. This does not help ery much, since they always have somebody on the roof who spots us. He/She sounds the alarm , and a sortie issues forth from the three-storied house, each man/woman armed with a half bucket of water. Chucking balloons at people loosing seven or eight liters of water at you every ten seconds at you is not a very effective way to conduct and assault. In any case we enter the house, and are treated to some brilliant mithai. The adults get to have Thandai.
By about this time, two or three other relatives arrive, and a toli, fifteen or so strong, is organized. The weapons of choice: pichkaris, balloons, eggs, grease, and generally anything that can leave a mark on human skin. We then go forth to battle, against the evil kids of block 45. If we spot their toli before they spot ours, we hide behind a building, pichkaris in front, ballooners behind (to put it like that orc chieftain in LoTR III), covering the bucket. They come in range, and the ballooners open fire. If they flee, the pichkaris give chase. If they keep coming, the pichkaris fire anyway. If they still come, the get the bucket treatment. No one runs through ten liters of water. Period. If ambushed, we just try to wet anything moving on two legs. This time we ambushed.
This lasts till about one in the afternoon, and then we call it quits. We get home threeish, and that as they say, is that. Da Geek has this nice entry about this year’s teachers; go read it, if you haven’t already. Plan to write a track back to it if I have the time.

Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

P.S. - I forgot about the paans which are also available in plenty. Had one of them myself yasterday. Brilliant things, paans.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Good day.
Pay Puh Mode is still in full swing, and is showing wondrous results. I am done with Physics and Math, and am now in the middle of Equilibrium II. Not to mention my preparation for the FIITJEE reshuffling test. But I am not complaining. Life is still good. It’s holi today (yes technically, today is holi, tomorrow being 'dulehndi', according to one (I forget which) of the six hundred billion scriptures that constitute Hindu holy literature), and in my house that can mean only one thing, GUJHIA. My grandmother is the best gujhia maker in the universe. Period. And every holi, after the khoya arrives from Lucknow , her home, she sits down with my mum and my aunt and they make the stuff. The package came last night. I was literally jumping up and down out of pure, unadulterated joy. Just goes to show, the DDA can build stable buildings. Sixty of the worlds fiest lie in the kitchen now, not for long though. I wish nanaji would send the Bhaang soon, or else the burfi will have to bemade without it. That’s no fun.
Also, the F1 season kicked off today with the Aussie GP. The new Williams car (with the new nosecone) reminds me of a pig. It also runs like one. A pig, that is, with its bloody tail on fire!! The damn thing outstripped the Ferrari in the flying lap qualifying. This is gonna be a fun season, methinks, and if Ralph and Juan Pablo can stay on track, Ferrari has got a problem. Fortunately, they also have Ralph's big brother.
For all intercrap club members, please stop trying to adjust the brightness on you screens. I have changed the colours in the background, and that’s why the blog looks black. There is nothing wrong with your screen’s display.
Furthermore, if you have any opinion about the new colour scheme, please keep it to yourself. I don’t want to know.
Am having great fun chucking buckets of water at unsuspecting passers by. By some strange quirk of fate, these unsuspecting passers by always turn out to be friends of my sister, or she herself.

Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Good day.
This is not a proper entry and is only designed to be an answer to certain statements on certain blogs made by certain very stupid people. First of all, in reference to Da Geek. Monsieur half head, last time I checked, prudence was a good thing. Also, methinks you are somewhat confused over the actual meaning of the term, not unlike ‘fagging’ and me. Da Lunatic. You Sir are obviously no physics student. Had you been one, you would know that in referring to brain size, I obviously meant ‘relative’ brain size. Common sense, which seems to be the least of your virtues, dictates that I referred to brain to body ratio, not absolute size, which by the way is closer to four and a half kilos, according to the British Museum as of January 2003.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Good day.
I did not go to school today, but reports reaching me suggest there was much cause for mirth in the computer period. Da Lunatic and Da Mouse Killer were apparently involved in some sort of a battle of words. What I wouldn’t give for a chance to have been there. Da Mouse Killer, sources claim, called Da Lunatic fat. Now, I have nothing against calling Da Lunatic names. Indeed, I support the idea. But when one’s circumference is grater than one’s center of mass’ y- displacement, one should not talk. So I’ll shut up. Ok, that did not help, I can still type. Anyway, Da Lunatic then proceeded to call her a Brontosaurus, which one also finds funny, when one considers the fact that both Da Lunatic and most Brontosauruses have comparable brain sizes. Furthermore, Da Geek reports that Priamvada danced, and Da Mouse Killer ran today, IN THE SAME BUILDING. For crying out loud, whatever happened to common sense?? I mean, one can only trust the tensile strength of concrete so far…
On the Pay Puh Mode front, I have had two really productive days, indeed I am proud to report, Ladies And Gentlemen of Da Klan, that TANGO is DOWN. To all non-members of Da Klan, that means that I have finally completed all my math chapters. Math is done!!!!
Man that felt good.
Now, to a more serious matter. I have been attempting to avoid mentioning this topic for a fair bit now, out of fear that I (would) be accused of attempting to publicize this journal, but I see now that that can no longer be done. The topic is that of self-gratification, referred to by the vulgar as ‘masturbation’. This is something I am utterly against. Some of you will probably think ‘Prude’ and decide to close your browser window. By all means, Piss Off, I really don’t give the fleetingest bit of a f***. Now, consider this, if you are male and screw males, society shuns you, and you are deemed “weird”. However, if you are male, and screw yourself (a male) it is supposed to be okay. What crap! Please nobody give me that time honored cockroach excreta about how screwing yourself and shagging are two different things, they’re not. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say don’t. All I say is don’t go parading it about. I did not tell you that I don’t, so why the f*** are you telling me that you do? Point being, the actual act of parading the fact about is a lot more offending than the act itself, which I really do not care about. You can go shag all you like, just don’t come back and write about your accomplishments. Ditto for gays, lesbians, necros or whoever.
Please note, I never said that I dislike any of the above for who they were, hell I’m all for it, so long as they keep it in their house and out of mine. I have a right to choice just as much as they do.
No, I did not lift that out of a redneck publication.
Remember …
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!


P.S. – I earnestly apologize for any and all hurt feelings. Also, no matter how angry that (entry) may have made you, please, don’t take it out on my comments column, grab something and break it instead.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Good day.
We come to it at last …

These were the words spoken by Mithrandir in the third LoTR movie as he stood on Minas Tirith, and all the hosts of Mordor were in front of him. I speak now these very same words, only I, like eleven hundred other Dipsites, face a much greater peril, eleventh class annual examinations. Yes people, it’s that time of the year again, when winter gives way to spring, February to march, and schooldays, to … EXAM days.
The older members of Da Klan know that this can only mean one thing … Pay Puh Mode. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the Azgez of the Bloodfists has officially put himself in Pay Puh Mode. This will be something foreign to all those who are not Klansmen, and so I will explain. Pay Puh Mode is a state of existence few save the Azgez of the Bloodfists are capable of. It involves increase in amount of study time by about one hundred and fifty percent, total avoidance of solid food at meal times, increase in total food intake by fifty percent (yes, there will be a shortage of food very soon so I suggest you start hoarding), and most importantly, increasing daily intake of caffeine to levels that are required in tranquilizer darts used to knock out bull elephants. Seven to eight cups daily usually suffice.
For all those who got squat in the first paragraph, the reference is to the Lord of the Rings movie series. You can now go away. You do not deserve to read this, try Da Lunatic’s blog or some such lowly publication.
To a certain somebody called Damini (she’s (one of) the VP(s) of the intercrap club, so…), thank you very much for telling the Queen Bee about yesterday’s entry. The trumpets located two inches below her nose now sound, as if they were sounding a charge on the Pelennor, every time she passes me by. May barbarians invade your personal space.
The Return of the King won all the academy awards it was nominated for, eleven in total. Go Tolkien (and Peter Jackson). Glory to the Academy.
Will not go to school till the papers are done with, but will keep writing. Plan to do three math chapters today, not a very happy thought, I assure you.

Ciao.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

P.S. – It has come to my knowledge that Da Lunatic has declared war on me. He’s like a bad rash, ignore it long enough, it’ll go away, so…

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Good day.
Finally, I get time to write a Journal entry again. We have practical exams going on nowadays. They aren’t so bad. Too much hype if you ask me. But whatever you do, don’t ask Da Geek. We had Physics practical exams today. That should be enough to all those who know Da Geek. Poor fellow. I don’t think I helped his state of mind very much (Go Me), but hey, what are friends for? The Great and Exalted Leader of Da Klan has a computer practical tomorrow. Da Mouse Killer may take my viva. No, none of you may write letters to her giving her death threats if she fails me.
Of Bees


In my numerous travels, and in my memory, which is the Supreme Source of Wisdom in Da Klan, there is no creature more obnoxious (save only Da Lunatic, who holds within himself all the secrets of True Lunacy, of which obnoxiousness is only a part) than the one who they, and consequently I, call The Queen Bee (Manisha Roy Choudhry). No, she does not have a pointy rear. She does, however, carry her bee’s nest along with her on the back of her head. She claims that it is hair, but the Azgez of the Bloodfists is not so easily fooled. I spent nearly two periods explaining to that supremely moronical half head, the story of The Lord of the Rings. To all those who know (of) her, do not pity me. Rather, be glad that I was present there. Who knows what such an ordeal would have done to one of ye lesser folk. Some of her comments were so bloody brilliant, that I have to list them.
1. The dwarves are those tall white ones (Note: - Dwarves, Tall) right?
2. Eowen was the one who put out that dragon on which the fellow (the Witch King of Angmar) was sitting right?
That Yank president was right, there’s a moron born every minute (I know that’s it’s sucker, you haven’t caught me making a mistake, which is theoretically impossible).

But, enough about bees. The Physics teacher ripped apart my practical file today. It is a good thing that they don’t keep axes in physics labs. All of you all can add to my comments section the way in which you would like me to murder her. Please note that, for obvious reasons, the olive press is not very potent in this case (only close friends will get that).

Da Reaper and I played basketball yesterday. Yes, I PLAYED. To some it would be a huge surprise that I am capable of this, and would argue that this is against the laws of physics, but they are lesser folk who know not the True Greatness of the leader of Da Klan. I actually scored more than one basket, and therefore I declare yesterday a holiday.

Awlrighty then,
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Good day.
It was … a Glorious Slaughter. These are the first words that come to mind when one sees the Phase Test paper the FIITJEE math department set for us. The class topper is hoping for 40%. That was not a joke. Now, there is a woman in FIITJEE’s employ, who, it would appear, has the sole job of conducting exams. Nothing else. She does not teach, manage or anything. She just conducts exams. When you first meet this blot on the face of humanity, two words pop into your head, ‘old hag’. Then you talk to her. This is the part where a guilty feeling overtakes you. You realize that you have been unfair to the woman. It’s ugly old hag. Hereinafter she shall be referred to as UOH.
I am severely bugged. Note how that’s very BAD. I give that disastrous math paper, walk out, and realize that my parents have had the brilliant idea of going to Sahara Mall, Gurgaon. Normally, you’d think this was a good thing. But you see, you do not know that my evil sister was going too. She thought, and my parents agreed, that she needed new clothes in lieu of the upcoming summer. What upcoming summer?? It’s the middle of February for crying out loud. Yes, I know it is closer to the end of Feb., it’s an expression. Get over it. My sis needs cloths like I need to gain weight. She owns half of Burkina Faso’s annual produce of clothing. Finally got the computer project up and running, no thanks to Da Geek, whose contribution to the project was lower than Osama’s contributions to US Aid. She spent two hours in picking clothes, and only stopped because I put my foot down. And when I put my foot down, my foot is not the only thing that goes down. I started giving not-so-subtle hints such as walking up to her (more like them) and whispering Hunger Pain, over obviously showing impatience, and stuff like that there.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

PS – I could not write because of the FIITJEE paper, and will be more regular now. This entry is small because it’s eleven in the night. Contrary to popular belief, I have not run out of gas, which, if you talk to Da Lunatic, is quite impossible.

Monday, February 16, 2004

Good day.
The day before yesterday was our annual class picnic. For the stupid, that was the fourteenth day of February 2004. For the incredibly stupid (and members of the intercrap club), that means it was St. Valentine’s Day. Now, if you are dipsites I need not say more. For non-dipsites, here’s the deal: holding a class picnic on St. Valentine’s Day (in DPS) is just about as smart as putting Tri Nitro Toluene in an active centrifuge. Note how that’s bad.
We went to Nehru Park. It’s one of the few places in the city where the admission is free and the ground is not covered in knee-deep cow dung. Unfortunately, playing cricket, football and hockey are strictly forbidden. We, therefore, played ‘rugby’. Nobody (save yours truly) know squat about the game, so we played Aussie Rules. For the uninitiated, this is a game similar to rugby, except for the fact that anything short of murder and assault with baseball bats is perfectly legal. The utter stupidity of my classmates was shown when they made me part of a team (as opposed to me being the team). As if that wasn’t enough, some morons actually joined the opposition. How thick can you get?? I talked to one of the professors at the Indian Anthropological Institute. In his expert opinion, that last act puts their cerebrum size just a little less than that of a snail. Obviously, when The Supreme Commander of the Klan charged for a try (that’s what they call a ‘touchdown’ in rugby, for those who do not know), every one got out of the way. Those that didn’t … well let’s just say they changed their minds as a dragster on pure octane. We had to share the bus with a bunch raving madmen (and women) referred to hereinafter as the Da Screamers (XI-S). The females of that class seemed to be laboring under the delusion that rules of courting in howler monkeys were worked for humans as well. That is the only way I can explain their extreme overuse of the C flat minor during the bus ride. I tell you, some of the frequencies hit by that lot would have been enough to scramble the sonar on an Akula Class submarine. We fixed up a match with Da Screamers, but I had to leave before it got underway, so obviously the morons in my class lost.

Later that day we went to The Great Kabab Factory, which, basically, in heaven for any one who likes his food in quantity and with reasonable quality (not that the food there is reasonable, it’s quite excellent). The server was a bit of an idiot though. The moron had the utter audacity to tell moi that I should not eat too much kabab or I won’t have enough space for the main course. The cheek!! He asked for it, so I gave it to him. The following is what I ate (Urdu names not mentioned due to lack of knowledge).
1. Minced lamb kabab, one.
2. Boneless chicken kababs, two.
3. Chicken legs, two.
4. Burrah kababs, four.
5. Fish kababs, two.
6. Pudina Parathas, four.
7. ‘Dal Factory’, ‘Dal Tadka’, Palak Paneer, one serving a piece.
8. Ulte Tawe ka Paratha, one.
9. Coffee ice cream.
10. Phirni.
It’s an all you can eat restaurant. Yes, I did outdo myself. All non-believers can talk to Da Deep One about one of Da Lunatic’s birthdays. If that does not convince you, contact Mr. and Mrs. Sharma, my parents.

Close serried companies of advancing columns loosed by Da Lunatic punctured Da Geek’s rearguard today. In the very likely event that you understood nothing of what I just wrote, I will explain. Da Lunatic got the very amusing idea of putting a nail up Da Geek’s arse. He is known for acting on his whims. Not very dignified, but very amusing.
Da geek had a close encounter of the MSN kind with my sister. There are only two creatures more irritating than her. Both live in the depths of Mariana’s Trench and are yet to be discovered by humans.
There cannot be a dipsite who does not know what a Monday Test is. No dipsite is a true dipsite unless he has run out of Monday Test sheets and found out about this on a Sunday. For all souls in such a plight, Da Geek has put up a MT sheet template download on his blog. That link is also provided on the side bar of this Journal.

Auf Wiedersehen and…
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Good day.
Of Birds, Bees and Da Geek
I have a funny feeling that Da Geek is not going to enjoy this entry very much. My heart bleeds for him. It bleeds, you see, not only because he is robbed of the singular pleasure of being able to enjoy this entry, but also because he has lost his chance of going to the picnic with his (to put it crudely) crush. Yes, ladies, gentlemen and members of the intercrap club, ‘tis true, that little archer in the diapers has finally got to Da Geek. Unbelievable though it sounds, I have it from a very reliable source (namely his geekiness himself) that he has been nurturing this heartache for an arguable bit. He would like everyone to believe that he wants to go with Sir Altitude. Yeah, right. And I’m obsessed with loosing weight. Incidentally, she is the fameous flower girl(Jan 19th entry, para four). If you find nothing about flowers (or her) there, he probably erased it. Keeping in mind the number of people that read this Journal, I will not give out her name. The extent of the crush is obvious when you take into account the clear state of depression Da Geek has been in ever since he found out that our sections are not going together. This is precisely the reason why I prefer food to girls - when something goes wrong; food only hurts in the stomach. It is hereby ordered that all Klansmen who read this must drop snide and cheeky comments whenever they meet Da Geek, mentioning this entry would also not be a bad idea.

On sifting through the annals of this great journal, you find mention of only one of the lesser clans, namely Exun. This is a group of people, skilled in their own fashion, but lacking the honor and fervor that characterizes the higher Klans, of which The Great and Glorious Bloodfist Klan is the greatest. This lack of honor is most brought out by the fact members actually leave the clan at will. Needless to say, this would be nothing short of sacrilege in the upper clans. Today, for example, even their commander left the clan. Far for rebuking it, they celebrated the event. DISGUSTING. But I must not get carried away; after all, one can’t expect the same fervor from lesser mortals as one does from Klansmen.

Commenting has been enabled on this blog. This is not, however, an open invitation to correct any piece of grammar you think is incorrect. This I say for two reasons: -
1. You are not worthy to correct the grammar of The Supreme and Exalted Leader of Da Klan.
2. In any case, all grammar in this Journal is flawless (except where it isn’t).

See you around.
Ciao. (Da Deep One gave me this spelling, pronunciation: - Ch-a-o)
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!


Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Good day.
It was promised, therefore it shall be. The Supreme and Exalted Leader of Da Klan has returned.
I could not write yesterday because I was watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the king. Excellent, as far as movies go, which, if you ask me, is not very far. If you don’t know what Lord of the Rings is, please go away, you do not deserve to read this or, for that matter, exist. The have made a few errors worthy of the intercrap club and a few pointless changes. The changes include the useless presence of the ghost armies on the Pelennor, the presenting of The Flame of The West after Helm’s Deep, the omission of the star of Elindil from Aragorn’s brow as he exited the corsair ships, among others. Minor changes, but changes nonetheless. Now the stupidest of all the errors is also the subtlest. None but the Great Leader and Supreme Commander of Da Klan could have spotted it at first glance. It was the incredible stupidity shown by Theoden when he was about to charge the orcs on the Pelennor. I mean, anyone who has ever, and I mean ever commanded a cavalry force knows that you don’t stand and talk within sight of the enemy, so they can arrange themselves into the classic phalanx (spikes in front, archers behind) and decimate your charge. You charge the nanosecond you see the enemy’s flank. Duh. Don’t get me wrong; the movie is definitely worth a watch. Some scenes, like the Charge of the Rohirrim, The Lighting of the Beacons of Gondor, The face off between Aragorn and the Ghost King and The Last Battle are really well done. All in all it’s money well spent. Should get at least half a dozen Oscars.

In the earlier entries of this journal, a creature referred to as Snorous bigspecsus(Dec. 19th, 2003 entry)
. This creature paid me another visit today, and, in the twelve minutes that he was here, managed to belittle all recorded feats of stupidity. Including those of the Intercrap club. He is standing two feet from something that could be nothing but a telephone, but still asks where the telly is. I was sorely tempted to ask him if the thing he was resting his hand on looked like a space shuttle to him. But I did get the damn telly fixed, so that’s something.
I did not go to school today, so naturally Da Geek is having a fit. When people are denied the chance to meet my august self, they usually react like that. sorry for the short entry, but there is nothing else to write.
Au revior then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Monday, February 09, 2004

Good day.
I must apologize for my absence from the blogging circles these last few days. It must be understood that I did this not out of choice, but because of an evil, evil piece of paper called a Main Open Test. These things are custom made, by expert designers to do one and only one thing. My advanced psyche tells me that right about now you would be wondering what that one thing is. This one thing is basically to totally befuddle, utterly confound and, in most cases completely demoralize the human brain. Funnily enough, the brain in question almost always belongs to the examinee.

Now, first things first, Jojo, my math teacher acted like a sexist pig yesterday, thus I dub her Da FCP (female chauvinistic pig). Now, the class was making noise and I concede that point with no argument. The point is that she decides to punish only the boys for it. Can you believe that?? I mean ever heard the term constitution?? Whatever happened to right to equality and all that?? She calls up the girls to her desk, whispers dark mathematical secrets to them, and acts like there are no boys in class. Personally, I’m fine with it. Math makes more sense if she does not teach anyway. This is old news by the way, happened last Thursday or something.

Da Geek is a heartless piece of shit. He has the warmth of a block of ice, the feelings of a dead fish, and the sensitivity of a hypodermic syringe. He is also a miser and a sadist. A poor mute fellow came to class to ask for money for his operation. Da Geek could not find it in that metallic pump of his (his heart) to give the fellow ten bucks. And don’t even get me started on those coffee bites of his. I asked him to bring the L.O.T.R .III CD today, and he did not bring it just so I get bugged. He had better bring it tomorrow, or he might just have an inexplicable, though fatal accident. All klansmen are hereby informed that if he fails to bring the said object(s) tomorrow, he shall be considered fair game.

Nothing great happened today, which is not to say nothing out of the ordinary happened, which is basically impossible in Da Hellhole. Oh yeah Mr. Pro Gramma (Prateek Rungta) has been given the singularly unenviable task of testing a greenhorn for entry into EXUN (one of the lesser clans). Poor fellow can’t think of Qs to ask, which, by the way, is not as easy as it sounds. We had computers free, because Da Mouse Killer had to take practicals poor woman had so much work. I pity her .
I will return.
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

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Thursday, February 05, 2004

Good day.

Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Good day.
Calm down, calm down. You don’t have to jump up and down in glee just because The Supreme and Exalted Leader of Da Klan has posted another entry. It is uncivil.

It was a most interesting day today. Point to be noted: interesting does not necessarily mean perfect, or even good. Mostly, it’s the opposite. The great Kapil Dev came to school today. He is as all clansmen will know, the first Hero of Da Klan. Great man, excellent cricket player and all round good guy. The tragedy of the matter was that Big C did not let us attend the assembly. Evil, evil I say. But this has given me a chance to explain how the Emergency Guest Receiving System works at school.
1. An announcement on the PAS calling the VPs and Headmistresses to the SFC (strategic forces command i.e. Big C’s room)
2. If students are required Da Mamta is called upon.
3. She in turn calls upon the intercrap club or the S.C.
4. The students scramble.
5. By now it is like, thirty minutes till Showtime. A complex and scientific process involving drawing of lots and flipping coins is used to pick the classes that attend the assembly.
6. Da Mamta puts the best speakers to work, double time, on speeches and questions.
7. About this time the cry of “Man battle stations, to arms, to arms!” issues forth for the SFC and approach is cordoned off by massive columns infantry from the Red Guard (a combined force of intercrap club members, SC members, and other assorted ass kissers).
8. When the VIP arrives he (or she) sees, therefore, a highly censored and mostly fictional version of the school, and naturally leaves it impressed.
It’s flawless.



Da Geek had to be taught how to calculate the remainder in a division. This caused me (and, for that matter, Da Mouse Killer) much distress. He gets these fits of daftness every so often. Later, however, was able to furnish a decent excuse and is therefore pardoned.

It was the math teacher’s turn to do some blitzkrieging of her own. One chapter in 25 minutes. Just like that, no questions asked. Period.

Hope this is not contagious.

It has become blatantly obvious to me that Da Deep One is either incapable of reading, or incapable comprehending, or both. I quite clearly mentioned that the Burrah kebab at Bukhara was good. NOT the meat in general. I can understand it if he disagrees about the Dal Bukhara, I have peculiar taste in dal. As in much else. But such differences are bound to occur between the great and the lowly, and so he too is pardoned.

I can’t go and see LOTR III any more due to an unscheduled trip to Haryana. L Me no happy.
Suraiya, a singer of great fame has recently kicked the proverbial bucket. This has caused Da Lunatic much anguish. He is a fan. For a longer testimonial to the great woman, click here.

Alrighty then,
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!


Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Good day.
The Ailuropoda melanoleuca is an interesting creation of Mother Nature’s. It is an extremely large mammal (no, I am not talking about myself), which is mostly black but sometimes (usually in parts) white (no, I am not talking about Michael Jackson). Most of you will know it as the ‘Big hairy dude on the nature lover guy’s card’. Some of you, who know more than is good for you, will know it as The Giant Panda. Now, it is wrongly believed that pandas are a species is confined to The People’s Republic of China and the Tibetan plateau. In fact, there are pandas in our West Bengal. I met one of them today at that sorry excuse for a torture chamber that is my school. This particular one is the mascot for Exun and is usually given the prefix ‘Ze’ as a badge of honor. All interact members and directors, Pakistanis, George Bush like creatures and other assorted birdbrains reading this will note that the Panda in question is, as is obvious, not a four legged member of the bear family but a human being. His blog (along with Da Geek’s is) the one that started the whole blogging thing with me, so you realize it is actually entirely his fault.

We went to Bukhara yesterday, and I left it quite impressed. The barrah / burrah kebabs were top of the line (though not quite as good as Karim’s) and the ‘Dal Bukhara’ is, in my opinion quite exquisite. Note how I use ‘ In my opinion’ so Da Deep One can’t go around raising all hell about how I have no sense of taste blah blah blah, blah blah blah. The prices are, however, atrocious. They were, in my opinion random numbers picked by some equally random moron. One thing that boggles the mind however, is that these numbers never receded below 675/- (plus tax) in the non-vegetarian section. It is well that they are not located next to a highway or they’d be arrested- for highway robbery (bad, bad joke).

We had chemistry today. It was BAD. Da Banshee, as Da Geek likes to call her, was in blitzkrieg mode today. No, she was not flying around the class pelting us with chalks, but teaching at a pace comparable to that of the advancing columns of the first panzer at the beginning of WWII.

It is a widely acclaimed fact that the mechanics (both the quantum and the physical) of physics do not, have not, and therefore will not apply to the DPSian dimensions of this universe. There fore I The Supreme and Exalted leader of Da Klan have devised the Azgezite Mechanics to explain the happenings in these strange dimensions. In all fairness though, it must be said that Da Geek (on Tuesday, February 03, 2004) has laid down the basic principles that lead these scientific discoveries. The principles, en brief are:
1. Law of Conservation of Misery: Da Geek’s Law of Conservation of Misery states that the total amount of misery in a closed system always remains constant. Misery can only be transferred from one person to another person/medium. It can be created but cannot be destroyed.
2. Emotional Mathematics: It has one basic theorem. If your state of mind is negative, and a positive event occurs in your life, then you feel happier than you would, had you been in a positive state of mind.

There is another rule, which, though it is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT rule of the Azgezite mechanics is only mentioned as a footnote in the annals of Da Geek’s blog.
This is of course the first of the Grand Truths of Da Klan.
Pessimism RULES.


The Moment of Dementia: Comparable to The Moment of Inertia in rotational mechanics, this is a measure how bad your head is spinning after one of those notoriously bad classes.
MoD is proportional to length of class, inversely proportional to number of interruptions and directly proportional to difficulty of topic.
MoD = k*[(length of class* difficulty of topic)/(number of interruptions)]

K is the teacher’s constant. Lower the value of ‘K’ better is the teaching, and lower the MoD. Subject has no effect on K whatsoever. People like Da Mouse Killer (who, by the way, has been making slanderous comments about this exquisite journal in front of His Airiness, Sir Altitude and Da Geek) have a very low ‘K’ (one one thousandth or less), while people like He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face have ‘K’ values in the millions. ‘K’ changes with time.
That is quite enough for today. You will be duly informed of any new discoveries in this field.
Cheerio.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Friday, January 30, 2004

Good day.
It was a wise man who said that the fruit of patience is oft the sweetest. Wise men, by virtue of being wise, are usually correct. So was he. This is best proved right now, when your patience is finally rewarded. Two days I have made you wait, and therefore sweetened your reward, no thanks are necessary. It is after all the duty of us, the higher mortals, to spicen up your lives every so often.
Now, to the point.
The Interact Club
This institution is one of the many prides and joys of the collection of torture chambers that is my school. It so happens that this useless collection of dimwits and creatures that are not fit to wipe the slime off a snail’s underbelly was the brainchild of the one they call The Big C. Now, this alone should be enough to tell you all that I intend to type. Unfortunately, my great learning tells me that there are some of you out there who have brain levels comparable to those of some of the directors of this sorry excuse for a collection of human beings. I will, therefore, elaborate. The club has one president, probably the only singularly occupied post in the club (saving, perhaps vice-president and treasurer). There has always been, at least in my mind, serious doubt as to the gender of this particular individual. He has to be a bit off his rocker, as he has accepted his office, but I honestly think that this is not the only thing wrong with him. Not that I bear a grudge or anything, hell, I hardly know the fellow. But one has one’s doubts …
This club seems chiefly to be constituted of directors, and the number of actual members appears to be less than the number of directors. Most, though perhaps not all, of these bird brained creatures happen to have IQs comparable to values returned by the randomize function in C++ (between 0 and 1, for non computer students). They should be hanged by the dozen (for there are dozens of them) if you ask me. They are incapable of printing out a simple Excel spreadsheet. A task which even that HOD of the Hindi department is capable of performing. I mean, how totally stupid do you have to be? They climbed up three floors to call Da Geek to get the printout. This, in the 21st century.
However, the greatest stupidity of the authorities when they were handing out commissions was their choice of treasurer. There are five and a half billion people in this world. They chose the one person of these five and a half billion who, under no circumstances, should be made in charge of money. Especially someone else’s money. The person in question is, of course, Da Tall Dark And Decomposing One (Prateek Chadha). Giving him all your money, and letting him handle the accounts. LUNACY, LUNACY I SAY.
The members of this club include Da Lunatic. I rest my case. I am sure that Da Deep One agrees.

The weather is not exactly the epitome of an English summer nowadays; rain and cold do NOT mix well. It is positively frigid, and that bugs me no end.

Our school’s site has recently been hacked by some Pakis, for this I am eternally grateful to the Pakis, as they have added another headache to Ha Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face’s steadily increasing migraine. God bless you, God save you.

I have recently acquired Photoshop (7.0, not CS). This is not a professional opinion, but I like it.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Good day.
First of all, I feel that some response to certain malicious comments made by Da Deep One is in order. To begin with, I do not claim, and never have claimed, to be an expert in the field of chocolate tasting. I do, however, claim to be an expert in the art of chocolate consumption . The point is, I do not give a dead rat’s dead ass about where the chocolate originates from, so long as I know that it’s ultimate destination is my digestive system. Furthermore, I do not know who it was that told that sorry excuse for a Buddha that I like Hershey’s Kisses because it sure as hell wasn’t me. Those things do not in my opinion qualify as chocolate, for the simple reason that they do not contain any chocolate, simply sweetened milk. Now, I do not have anything against The Hershey’s Food Corp., which also makes decent chocolate, and this fact was probably the cause of the confusion. The following is my personal method for telling between good and bad chocolate –
1) Carefully read the wrapper, and find out where the piece is produced.
2) Forget this information immediately.
3) Consume the entire bar.
4) If you like it, it’s good, otherwise it’s not.
5) If Da Deep One comes over to give his “specialist” opinion, tell him he can go screw himself.
He can do so if he is reading this right now.

I hereby declare the owner of HOME CABLE to be A Hero of the Klan . He has, in spite of CAS, allowed us the pleasure of Star World. Long may he live. Da Geek, it should be mentioned, does NOT get home cable (:-D).
We went to see a very horrid reenactment of The Merchant of Venice. It was a disastrous as it was, but the pirated CD made it worse. The visuals were not in sync with the audio, so Portia was speaking but Shylock was moving his mouth. It was quite funny, but it ruined the whole “… shall we not revenge” dialogue of Shylock’s (yes, the apostrophe is correctly placed). Sacrilege. Da Geek is getting very perverted nowadays, and it was he who, in the middle of the play, pointed out to me that Jessica’s dress was slipping in the front. It wasn’t, it was just a low cut, which partially exposed the top of her (.)(.)s. Disgusting.

Da Geek was mucho impressed with Halo today, but then, as I have been known to say, you lower mortals are easily impressed.

I plan to charge Da Geek with copyleft infringement. He has no shame, and wantonly uses my brilliant expression in his own blog (which, by the way, you should read if you don’t already). No offence to Da Geek you understand.
’Till next time,
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. – I planned to write on the Interact Club today, but now I think that that will be too much for your sorry brains to process, so I think I’ll do it tomorrow.



Sunday, January 25, 2004

Good day.
I dislike blogging on holidays. Well, actually, I dislike sitting up on holidays. All of you dregs of humanity will, therefore, appreciate the amount of resolve going into this entry. Had yesterday not been such a perfect day, I would not have bothered.

The fun started yesterday when my dad got his Skoda back (it had been in the garage for the last two weeks). That man should not be trusted with a lawn mower engine, so putting him behind a 2.0 liter Czechoslovakian monster is a major no-no. Now when we are on New Delhi roads it all fine and dandy, but when you put him on the DND flyway (which, by the way, is like 500 mts. from my house) it is a downright blasphemy. Notice how blasphemy and blast for me are strikingly similar terms. You get the point. As he had got the car back, it was only natural that we go for a drive. So we did. He got on the flyway, revved the engine, and FUHLOORED (floored) it. Now, if you have ever been in the passenger seat of a vehicle being propelled forward at 120-150 Km/h due to a newly serviced 66 kW engine pumping out 16.8 Kg m of torque, you would know that it is by no means an exercise recommended for heart patients.

I have also made a great scientific discovery yesterday. I have found, in the middle of Nizamuddin, a piece of land (more than a square inch in area) that is not covered by half a foot of filth. The amazing part of it is that place is like 500 mts. from the railway station (which, by the way, in my opinion doubles as a municipal dump). The place in question is a food court by the name of Comesum. The food is shit good and dirt-cheap. Now, when someone describes a food court using ‘shit’ and ‘dirt’ as adjectives, people don’t usually go there. You should.

My sister took the Aryabhatta exam yesterday, I helped her prepare. You can stop feeling sad for her now. Hope she does well.
Alrighty then. Buh-bye now.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - Da Geek's blog seems to be down, which deprives the net of one of the world's greatest Mac fans. He has promised to write a review of this Journal as soon as it gets up and running. I hope, for his sake, that it is a good one.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Good day.
It is that time of the day again when all you dregs of humanity take a blissful, though temporary, break from that mundane series of pointless happenings that you all like to call lives and enter into the mysterious and exciting universe that is my imagination.
There exists a creature in this universe which has a vaguely human appearance but is as different in mental faculty from the Homo sapien as peas are from potatoes. He is the one they call Da Lunatic (referred to in civil society as 'Manav Kapur'). He has, entombed in his head, the most perverted mind in existence today, and though no particular incident has recently occurred in connection to him, no journal of mine is complete without due reference to him.
Da Geek has prepared, on the advice of His Airiness, Sir Altitude, what was generally accepted as a really cool front page for the Exun section of the dips diary. It consisted of a funny white computer with a number behind it. You lower mortals are so easily impressed.
The school's interact club has, apparently, some painfully slow directors, who are incapable of printing out an Excel worksheet. They came up all the way to the class to get Da Geek to do it for them. According to the Indian Biological Association, this would put their brain size somewhere between that of a pea and a Light Emitting Diode. Now, if you have ever seen either a pea or a Light Emitting Diode, you would know that I'm not paying them a complement.
Their coming did cause some mirth in class though, when the physics teacher burtled out " You had better go Karan (Da Geek), they look desperate". Now the average dipsite's mind is a very perverted thing. Things like this accelerate thoughts in it like a V8 engine accelerates a car. Da Geek, therefore, left the class in a peculiar shade of magenta. For a fuller account of what happened next, and the basic principle of electronics, visit Da Geek's blog.
In my opinion, both Adam Gilchrist and He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face (M.B.I.H.P.S.)(with whom Da Lunatic has recently had a hilarious run-in) should get the Olive Press Treatment (only close friends shall understand this).
We have finalised the movie thingy. Kuhrazeemann almost made the gargantuan error of offering to buy me lunch that day. Talk about raving mad ...
That's it then, Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan was a great man. I hereby declare him an Idol Of The Klan.
M.B.I.H.P.S. - May barbarians invade his personal space.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Good day.
I begin today's entry with a very interesting thing that I have just finished reading in a very interesting article. There is a restaurant chain by the name the name of Pizza Hut. Anyone who did not know this, please follow the following procedure:
1. Get up.
2. Walk to the nearest toilet.
3. Stand in front of the pot.
4. Place your head in the water in the pot.
5. Flush.
This particular chain has a restaurant in Noida Sector 18. The pasta there is excellent. The article had nothing to do with this. It had, however, everything to do with a flower. The flower, like many flowers, was red. The flower, unlike many flowers, was soul and centre of an article in Da Geek's blog (dated: 19th January 2004). If you haven't already done it, I strongly suggest that you go and read the entry (link on top left corner). Having read it, you should email Da Geek, asking him who the lucky girl is. If you meet him, then I propose that you put on your cheekiest voice and ask the same.
We were supposed to see the Merchant of Venice today. No, an exchange student was not coming over, we were going to see a movie. That got cancelled because a politician was coming over and Big Chad to suck up to him.
He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face (may barbarians invade his personal space) has been giving Da Geek a rough time for no good reason, therefore the axiom that I had pertaining to Da Geek's immuneness to such things has been smashed.
Kuhrazeemnn has got a very brilliant idea recently. I have already informed both the army and Guinness of the occurrence. After having confirmed that it could cause none any injury, we agreed to it. We are, therefore going to see 'Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King' soon.
I have begun work on my computer project, which promises to be a sensational work of art (yeah, right). If Madam Mouse Killer is reading this, I request that you forget this blog when you mark it, and remember the number of times Da Geek and I have carried that enormously heavy attendance register for you all the way from the rep's room.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Good day.
I begin my narrative today by presenting the culminating argument in an altercation which ensued between me and an acquaintance of mine (I do not disclose his name, as I fear that that religious fervor that characterizes the members of my Klan may override their good reason, and something untoward may happen to the poor boy, for he hath clearly broken the most sacred law of the Klan, he hath disagreed with a reigning Azgez). The argument stood thus, "Marriage is an institution, so who wants to live in an institution?".

Today in my infinite my brilliance I have utterly befuddled, totally bamboozeld and it must be said, unduly scared my father. I have recently found out the procedure for creating message boxes (you know, the thing that appears on your screen when the PC experiences an error). I therefore, got on to my dad's laptop and removed the Internet Explorer icon the desktop. Thereafter, I proceeded to make a message box with a really scary message. Thereafter I put it on the desktop, name it Internet Explorer, and change the icon. It gave him a helluva scare. It gave me a helluva laugh (:-D).

DECREE OF THE KLAN
It is hereby decreed in the Klan Of The Bloodfists that any member who, upon whim or fancy (or for any other reason), decides to remove Da Geek's head (and acts upon his/her decision), shall be held to be A Hero Of The Klan. The reasons are explained hereinafter.

He has, today, in a wantonly cowardly act, showed Da Mouse Killer my blog just to save his useless neck. Now, if you have read the earlier entries of this journal, you will realize that this spells DANGER, mucho grande, for me. If you haven't read the earlier entries, let me tell you, this spells DANGER, mucho grande, for me. Me scared. Me very scared.

A piece of advice to all sufferers in the middle east - "When Bush comes to shove, resist".

They (the school high command) are planning to show us 'The Merchant of Venice' (movie) tomorrow. I am very skeptical.

I deem that this is enough data for your miserable heads to process and comprehend.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - 1. Anyone interested in the above or other windows hacks, I suggest that you click here.
2. I just have to recommend this browser, the Mozilla Firebird 0.7.
3. A few of my ideas have recently been altered, as a direct consequence of which, Da Spiritual One shall be hereinafter referred to as Da Deep One.

Monday, January 19, 2004

Good day.
Many people have recently had the audacity to to question me. Yes, believe it or not you pieces of crap off the underside of my shoe, some one actually told Me that I should be more regular with My blog entries. The Cheek!

The one they call Big C went on another one of her notoriously evil screaming sprees. Her most recent victims have been the unfortunate students of class 11 K. One of these lunatics had brought an airgun to school. An airgun; I ask you. How stupid do you have to be?!! Then, as if all this does not show the level of idioticity the imbecile is capable of, just to drive home the point, the maniac lends it off. The people who were giventhe object get caught and the rep takes them to Big C. Now, for the uninitiated, it is a general rule that no matter how serious the crime, one should not go to Big C. It does not matter if you are right or wrong, appealing to Big C for judgment is something you will always regret. This holds true for teachers as well. Anyway, the long and short of it is that she spent a period enjoying herself, while screaming pointlessly at 11 K. There is a Hindi proverb, "Bhais ke aagey been bajana" .....

While I am dissing teachers let me not miss the chance to lash out at He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face. Now here is one, for whom megalomania is an innate quality, not just a disorder. Very recently, he has TAKEN the fastest PC in the school for personal use, just because he got slapped with extra responsibility. Mind you, all he has to do is manage a database. No design, just management.

One Bavya Khanna has recently done me the honor of linking my blog to his.
If you want to know who or what a Bhavya Khanna (hereinafter referred to as Da Deep One), is I strongly suggest that you drop the idea. If you want to see his blog, click here.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - We still suffer from Conditional Access Syndrome. Please, somebody, HELP .....