Good day.
It was a wise man who said that the fruit of patience is oft the sweetest. Wise men, by virtue of being wise, are usually correct. So was he. This is best proved right now, when your patience is finally rewarded. Two days I have made you wait, and therefore sweetened your reward, no thanks are necessary. It is after all the duty of us, the higher mortals, to spicen up your lives every so often.
Now, to the point.
The Interact Club
This institution is one of the many prides and joys of the collection of torture chambers that is my school. It so happens that this useless collection of dimwits and creatures that are not fit to wipe the slime off a snail’s underbelly was the brainchild of the one they call The Big C. Now, this alone should be enough to tell you all that I intend to type. Unfortunately, my great learning tells me that there are some of you out there who have brain levels comparable to those of some of the directors of this sorry excuse for a collection of human beings. I will, therefore, elaborate. The club has one president, probably the only singularly occupied post in the club (saving, perhaps vice-president and treasurer). There has always been, at least in my mind, serious doubt as to the gender of this particular individual. He has to be a bit off his rocker, as he has accepted his office, but I honestly think that this is not the only thing wrong with him. Not that I bear a grudge or anything, hell, I hardly know the fellow. But one has one’s doubts …
This club seems chiefly to be constituted of directors, and the number of actual members appears to be less than the number of directors. Most, though perhaps not all, of these bird brained creatures happen to have IQs comparable to values returned by the randomize function in C++ (between 0 and 1, for non computer students). They should be hanged by the dozen (for there are dozens of them) if you ask me. They are incapable of printing out a simple Excel spreadsheet. A task which even that HOD of the Hindi department is capable of performing. I mean, how totally stupid do you have to be? They climbed up three floors to call Da Geek to get the printout. This, in the 21st century.
However, the greatest stupidity of the authorities when they were handing out commissions was their choice of treasurer. There are five and a half billion people in this world. They chose the one person of these five and a half billion who, under no circumstances, should be made in charge of money. Especially someone else’s money. The person in question is, of course, Da Tall Dark And Decomposing One (Prateek Chadha). Giving him all your money, and letting him handle the accounts. LUNACY, LUNACY I SAY.
The members of this club include Da Lunatic. I rest my case. I am sure that Da Deep One agrees.

The weather is not exactly the epitome of an English summer nowadays; rain and cold do NOT mix well. It is positively frigid, and that bugs me no end.

Our school’s site has recently been hacked by some Pakis, for this I am eternally grateful to the Pakis, as they have added another headache to Ha Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face’s steadily increasing migraine. God bless you, God save you.

I have recently acquired Photoshop (7.0, not CS). This is not a professional opinion, but I like it.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE!!!

Good day.
First of all, I feel that some response to certain malicious comments made by Da Deep One is in order. To begin with, I do not claim, and never have claimed, to be an expert in the field of chocolate tasting. I do, however, claim to be an expert in the art of chocolate consumption . The point is, I do not give a dead rat’s dead ass about where the chocolate originates from, so long as I know that it’s ultimate destination is my digestive system. Furthermore, I do not know who it was that told that sorry excuse for a Buddha that I like Hershey’s Kisses because it sure as hell wasn’t me. Those things do not in my opinion qualify as chocolate, for the simple reason that they do not contain any chocolate, simply sweetened milk. Now, I do not have anything against The Hershey’s Food Corp., which also makes decent chocolate, and this fact was probably the cause of the confusion. The following is my personal method for telling between good and bad chocolate –
1) Carefully read the wrapper, and find out where the piece is produced.
2) Forget this information immediately.
3) Consume the entire bar.
4) If you like it, it’s good, otherwise it’s not.
5) If Da Deep One comes over to give his “specialist” opinion, tell him he can go screw himself.
He can do so if he is reading this right now.

I hereby declare the owner of HOME CABLE to be A Hero of the Klan . He has, in spite of CAS, allowed us the pleasure of Star World. Long may he live. Da Geek, it should be mentioned, does NOT get home cable (:-D).
We went to see a very horrid reenactment of The Merchant of Venice. It was a disastrous as it was, but the pirated CD made it worse. The visuals were not in sync with the audio, so Portia was speaking but Shylock was moving his mouth. It was quite funny, but it ruined the whole “… shall we not revenge” dialogue of Shylock’s (yes, the apostrophe is correctly placed). Sacrilege. Da Geek is getting very perverted nowadays, and it was he who, in the middle of the play, pointed out to me that Jessica’s dress was slipping in the front. It wasn’t, it was just a low cut, which partially exposed the top of her (.)(.)s. Disgusting.

Da Geek was mucho impressed with Halo today, but then, as I have been known to say, you lower mortals are easily impressed.

I plan to charge Da Geek with copyleft infringement. He has no shame, and wantonly uses my brilliant expression in his own blog (which, by the way, you should read if you don’t already). No offence to Da Geek you understand.
’Till next time,
Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. – I planned to write on the Interact Club today, but now I think that that will be too much for your sorry brains to process, so I think I’ll do it tomorrow.

Good day.
I dislike blogging on holidays. Well, actually, I dislike sitting up on holidays. All of you dregs of humanity will, therefore, appreciate the amount of resolve going into this entry. Had yesterday not been such a perfect day, I would not have bothered.

The fun started yesterday when my dad got his Skoda back (it had been in the garage for the last two weeks). That man should not be trusted with a lawn mower engine, so putting him behind a 2.0 liter Czechoslovakian monster is a major no-no. Now when we are on New Delhi roads it all fine and dandy, but when you put him on the DND flyway (which, by the way, is like 500 mts. from my house) it is a downright blasphemy. Notice how blasphemy and blast for me are strikingly similar terms. You get the point. As he had got the car back, it was only natural that we go for a drive. So we did. He got on the flyway, revved the engine, and FUHLOORED (floored) it. Now, if you have ever been in the passenger seat of a vehicle being propelled forward at 120-150 Km/h due to a newly serviced 66 kW engine pumping out 16.8 Kg m of torque, you would know that it is by no means an exercise recommended for heart patients.

I have also made a great scientific discovery yesterday. I have found, in the middle of Nizamuddin, a piece of land (more than a square inch in area) that is not covered by half a foot of filth. The amazing part of it is that place is like 500 mts. from the railway station (which, by the way, in my opinion doubles as a municipal dump). The place in question is a food court by the name of Comesum. The food is shit good and dirt-cheap. Now, when someone describes a food court using ‘shit’ and ‘dirt’ as adjectives, people don’t usually go there. You should.

My sister took the Aryabhatta exam yesterday, I helped her prepare. You can stop feeling sad for her now. Hope she does well.
Alrighty then. Buh-bye now.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - Da Geek's blog seems to be down, which deprives the net of one of the world's greatest Mac fans. He has promised to write a review of this Journal as soon as it gets up and running. I hope, for his sake, that it is a good one.

Good day.
It is that time of the day again when all you dregs of humanity take a blissful, though temporary, break from that mundane series of pointless happenings that you all like to call lives and enter into the mysterious and exciting universe that is my imagination.
There exists a creature in this universe which has a vaguely human appearance but is as different in mental faculty from the Homo sapien as peas are from potatoes. He is the one they call Da Lunatic (referred to in civil society as 'Manav Kapur'). He has, entombed in his head, the most perverted mind in existence today, and though no particular incident has recently occurred in connection to him, no journal of mine is complete without due reference to him.
Da Geek has prepared, on the advice of His Airiness, Sir Altitude, what was generally accepted as a really cool front page for the Exun section of the dips diary. It consisted of a funny white computer with a number behind it. You lower mortals are so easily impressed.
The school's interact club has, apparently, some painfully slow directors, who are incapable of printing out an Excel worksheet. They came up all the way to the class to get Da Geek to do it for them. According to the Indian Biological Association, this would put their brain size somewhere between that of a pea and a Light Emitting Diode. Now, if you have ever seen either a pea or a Light Emitting Diode, you would know that I'm not paying them a complement.
Their coming did cause some mirth in class though, when the physics teacher burtled out " You had better go Karan (Da Geek), they look desperate". Now the average dipsite's mind is a very perverted thing. Things like this accelerate thoughts in it like a V8 engine accelerates a car. Da Geek, therefore, left the class in a peculiar shade of magenta. For a fuller account of what happened next, and the basic principle of electronics, visit Da Geek's blog.
In my opinion, both Adam Gilchrist and He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face (M.B.I.H.P.S.)(with whom Da Lunatic has recently had a hilarious run-in) should get the Olive Press Treatment (only close friends shall understand this).
We have finalised the movie thingy. Kuhrazeemann almost made the gargantuan error of offering to buy me lunch that day. Talk about raving mad ...
That's it then, Cheerio.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan was a great man. I hereby declare him an Idol Of The Klan.
M.B.I.H.P.S. - May barbarians invade his personal space.

Good day.
I begin today's entry with a very interesting thing that I have just finished reading in a very interesting article. There is a restaurant chain by the name the name of Pizza Hut. Anyone who did not know this, please follow the following procedure:
1. Get up.
2. Walk to the nearest toilet.
3. Stand in front of the pot.
4. Place your head in the water in the pot.
5. Flush.
This particular chain has a restaurant in Noida Sector 18. The pasta there is excellent. The article had nothing to do with this. It had, however, everything to do with a flower. The flower, like many flowers, was red. The flower, unlike many flowers, was soul and centre of an article in Da Geek's blog (dated: 19th January 2004). If you haven't already done it, I strongly suggest that you go and read the entry (link on top left corner). Having read it, you should email Da Geek, asking him who the lucky girl is. If you meet him, then I propose that you put on your cheekiest voice and ask the same.
We were supposed to see the Merchant of Venice today. No, an exchange student was not coming over, we were going to see a movie. That got cancelled because a politician was coming over and Big Chad to suck up to him.
He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face (may barbarians invade his personal space) has been giving Da Geek a rough time for no good reason, therefore the axiom that I had pertaining to Da Geek's immuneness to such things has been smashed.
Kuhrazeemnn has got a very brilliant idea recently. I have already informed both the army and Guinness of the occurrence. After having confirmed that it could cause none any injury, we agreed to it. We are, therefore going to see 'Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King' soon.
I have begun work on my computer project, which promises to be a sensational work of art (yeah, right). If Madam Mouse Killer is reading this, I request that you forget this blog when you mark it, and remember the number of times Da Geek and I have carried that enormously heavy attendance register for you all the way from the rep's room.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

Good day.
I begin my narrative today by presenting the culminating argument in an altercation which ensued between me and an acquaintance of mine (I do not disclose his name, as I fear that that religious fervor that characterizes the members of my Klan may override their good reason, and something untoward may happen to the poor boy, for he hath clearly broken the most sacred law of the Klan, he hath disagreed with a reigning Azgez). The argument stood thus, "Marriage is an institution, so who wants to live in an institution?".

Today in my infinite my brilliance I have utterly befuddled, totally bamboozeld and it must be said, unduly scared my father. I have recently found out the procedure for creating message boxes (you know, the thing that appears on your screen when the PC experiences an error). I therefore, got on to my dad's laptop and removed the Internet Explorer icon the desktop. Thereafter, I proceeded to make a message box with a really scary message. Thereafter I put it on the desktop, name it Internet Explorer, and change the icon. It gave him a helluva scare. It gave me a helluva laugh (:-D).

DECREE OF THE KLAN
It is hereby decreed in the Klan Of The Bloodfists that any member who, upon whim or fancy (or for any other reason), decides to remove Da Geek's head (and acts upon his/her decision), shall be held to be A Hero Of The Klan. The reasons are explained hereinafter.

He has, today, in a wantonly cowardly act, showed Da Mouse Killer my blog just to save his useless neck. Now, if you have read the earlier entries of this journal, you will realize that this spells DANGER, mucho grande, for me. If you haven't read the earlier entries, let me tell you, this spells DANGER, mucho grande, for me. Me scared. Me very scared.

A piece of advice to all sufferers in the middle east - "When Bush comes to shove, resist".

They (the school high command) are planning to show us 'The Merchant of Venice' (movie) tomorrow. I am very skeptical.

I deem that this is enough data for your miserable heads to process and comprehend.

AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - 1. Anyone interested in the above or other windows hacks, I suggest that you click here.
2. I just have to recommend this browser, the Mozilla Firebird 0.7.
3. A few of my ideas have recently been altered, as a direct consequence of which, Da Spiritual One shall be hereinafter referred to as Da Deep One.

Good day.
Many people have recently had the audacity to to question me. Yes, believe it or not you pieces of crap off the underside of my shoe, some one actually told Me that I should be more regular with My blog entries. The Cheek!

The one they call Big C went on another one of her notoriously evil screaming sprees. Her most recent victims have been the unfortunate students of class 11 K. One of these lunatics had brought an airgun to school. An airgun; I ask you. How stupid do you have to be?!! Then, as if all this does not show the level of idioticity the imbecile is capable of, just to drive home the point, the maniac lends it off. The people who were giventhe object get caught and the rep takes them to Big C. Now, for the uninitiated, it is a general rule that no matter how serious the crime, one should not go to Big C. It does not matter if you are right or wrong, appealing to Big C for judgment is something you will always regret. This holds true for teachers as well. Anyway, the long and short of it is that she spent a period enjoying herself, while screaming pointlessly at 11 K. There is a Hindi proverb, "Bhais ke aagey been bajana" .....

While I am dissing teachers let me not miss the chance to lash out at He Who Hath Big Black Mole On Face. Now here is one, for whom megalomania is an innate quality, not just a disorder. Very recently, he has TAKEN the fastest PC in the school for personal use, just because he got slapped with extra responsibility. Mind you, all he has to do is manage a database. No design, just management.

One Bavya Khanna has recently done me the honor of linking my blog to his.
If you want to know who or what a Bhavya Khanna (hereinafter referred to as Da Deep One), is I strongly suggest that you drop the idea. If you want to see his blog, click here.
Cheerio then.
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - We still suffer from Conditional Access Syndrome. Please, somebody, HELP .....

Good day.
HARK!! THE HERALD ANGEL SINGS, "He has returned, yes, the one they called KING" (no, Elvis is not back from the dead). The Supreme and Exalted leader of the Klan has finally got his goddamn PC and internet connection fixed (which, by the way, was done with the efficiency of the Indian bureaucracy and a Model T engine combined). Anyway, you, the uncouth, coarse and paltry multitude can now rejoice, for I have survived the ordeal that is CAS ridden TV and NOTHING else to do.

I feel that an explanation is due as to my sudden and most unjust disappearance. My net was down. It took the morons at Hotwire five days to figure out the I had an extra proxy enabled (or some such Geeko Prussian mumbo jumbo). Now, I know you all feel strongly upon the subject, but I request that you refrain from writing threatening and Unsolicited mail to Hotwire.

Now, much has happened in the time during which I was denied the Net. First of all, Da Mouse Killer has recently gone on a most ferocious ( though not entirely unjustified) slapping spree. Now if you have ever seen an extremely wide computer teacher who is arguably pissed off (which I seriously doubt) you will undestand the gravity of the situation. She told the class to write some programs. So obviously, nobody did anything, (save yours truly and some others) and that sparked her off.
My sister has recently left for The USA (married off). The President has written us a letter of congratulation for reliving the country of one of the greatest strains on it's resources (you see, she is probably gonna read this but as she is half a world away, she can't do shit about it. Me having Fun, as ze Panda would say). One thing though, you should have seen her face on the day she left. It reminded me of that Spanish fellow with Leo in Titanic, you know, when they won tickets to the titanic, when he started to jump up and down (at such a furious pace that he resembled a very weird Jack in the box) and go, "I go to America, I go to America". Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for her, but one does have some misgivings when one sends one's dear ones to a place which contains a people who have, willfully and in their maximum state of sanity, elected George W. Bush for president.

My grandmother birthday just passed. I got to eat chocolate truffle, chocolate nemeses, chocolate doughnuts and such like. Stop drooling, you'll ruin your keyboard.

Our chemistry teacher is either trying to teach organic chemistry or trying to sell baboons. It's hard to tell which one.

I have recently joined (or at least given my name for) The English Editorial Board. The list as far as I could see, only had three names, which is a bit unnerving. In case you are curious, the names are those of myself, Da Geek and Sir Altitude (Maanick Nangia
).
AZGEZ BLOODFIST WAS HERE !!!

P.S. - If anyone wants to see what Sir Altitude and Da Geek look like click here, and click on members. They are numbers fifteen and sixteen in the list.